Scars
by KJmom
Summary: Lucius has watched Harry's abuse long enough.  He has to step in to save the Boy Who Lived from his sadistic son. SLASH, ye have be warned...  LM/HP HP/DM
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: First off, the next chapter of Crossing Lines is complete and only needs to be edited. As soon as that is done, I'll post it! Next, this story is a whole lot more OOC than most of my others, so, since I'm warning you now, please don't complain about it, ok? Also, if you like Draco (which I absolutely DO) and can't stand to see him villanized, this may not be the story for you. I haven't yet decided if it will be a one-shot, or if there will be more, but the scene that prompted me to write this isn't here, so there could very well be more. This hasn't been beta'd, but if I continue it past the 2,300 words that are here (minus my - as usual- long ass a/n) I will make sure that it gets beta'd. Enjoy my loverlies... MWAH!**

I knock on the door of Harry and Draco's room. I'm nervous, because this time, I cannot fail. The bruises are becoming more obvious and I cannot bear the burden of Harry's pain any longer. I love my son, but I fear I may love Harry more. He rescued my family from the clutches of the Dark Lord and he was my rock after I lost Narcissa. I owe the boy so much and it's high time I paid my debts to him.

"Mr. Malfoy," I cringe at the greeting, it hasn't been that long since we were on a first name basis. I assume my son has something to do with the decline in our relationship, it's the only thing that makes sense.

"Harry, are you busy? I'd like to talk with you," He is frightened, but steps aside to allow me entrance.

"Sure, but, uh, Draco could come home any minute and I don't think he'd be happy if you're here," Draco will not be released from work early today, I have spoken with Severus to guarantee that.

"And just why is that, Harry?" He shakes his head and sits gingerly on the edge of their bed.

"It doesn't matter. What can I do for you, Mr. Malfoy?"

"You can start by calling me Lucius, I know that isn't a new concept for you," His eyes widen and he looks like a scared animal.

"I can't…"

"Let me guess, my son wouldn't approve?" He opens his mouth, to deny it, I'm sure, but I lean forward and place a firm hand on his shoulder. I quickly pull away when he winces in pain.

"Harry…"

"Mr. Malfoy, _Lucius_, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine, really." He is far from it.

"Are you really, Harry?" Before he can try to assure me again, I wave my wand and banish the shirt he is wearing. I had prepared myself for injuries, but I'm taken aback at how bad they truly are. There are bruises, and those are horrible enough, but the slices I see across his back as he grabs another shirt from the closet are unthinkable.

"Oh, Harry. Let me heal you. Stay here, I'll get some salve."

"NO! You can't… He doesn't like for me to treat them with magic. If he comes home and they're gone, he'll be upset. Lucius, _please_, just forget about this. He can't know you were here, ok?" His pleading breaks my heart, and I want to just do what he says, because I feel as if I've put that fear in his eyes. But, it wasn't me, it _isn't_ me he's afraid of, it's Draco.

What has my sadistic son done to this poor boy? He was once so strong, so happy, and now he's just a shell of the man he should have grown into.

"Does he… does he hurt you for his own pleasure?" He freezes and looks at me as if he's scared I'm seeing directly into his soul.

"What?"

"You heard me Harry, does he hurt you during sex?"

"Why do you want to know that? How is it any of your business?"

"I'd like to know how deeply this runs. How tightly he's wound your pain with your pleasure," I just want to know how thoroughly my wicked son has broken this beautiful boy.

"You want to know how much he's hurt me? You think the scars and cuts are my back and chest are horrible? You haven't seen the worst of it, Lucius, not by a long shot. Do you really want to know?"

He sounds so bitter that I'm not sure any longer that I do. I just want to mend him. I must know though, if I'm to clean up my son's mess, make those wondrous green jewels sparkle again.

"Yes," My heart speeds as he begins to unbutton his trousers. I have, on numerous occasions, imagined watching the boy undress, but never once has it been prompted - in any way - by my son.

He takes a deep, unsteady breath, as he lets his trousers fall and I'm greeted with one of the most horrendous sights I've ever beheld. There are bite marks marring the perfection of his milky white inner thighs. What should be smooth, supple skin is marked with purple and red indentations of my son's teeth.

"Harry…" He turns his head as one lone tear falls silently to the floor.

"Why? You are the most powerful wizard this world has ever known, why do you give him this power over you?" He jerks his trousers up and fastens them haphazardly.

"I can't… I can't tell you that, if he finds out that I've talked to you at all, he'll-"

"Harry! Surely you can't think my own son is stronger than I? I _can_ ensure your safety. If you won't or can't for some reason stand up to him, I'll will do it for you," I ache to see him so hurt, so beaten.

"There's nothing you can do, Lucius. Contrary to what you might think, I _know_ how powerful I am, and even _I_ can't do anything about it," He's going to shut down on me, I can see it. I have to keep him talking.

"Do you love him, Harry?" He's surprised by my seeming non sequitur.

"I did, once. I haven't for a long time," He sinks into the chair, completely emotionally drained.

"Tell me, Harry. Tell me all of it and we _will_ figure out how to get you away from him," I'm begging, and I _never_ beg. He sighs and finally, after two years of prodding, gives in.

"We started seeing each other shortly before the war ended. I didn't think it was anything but a quick shag here and there, fantastic, but nothing serious. Then, after I killed _Him_, he started coming around all the time. We'd shag, like before, then he'd fall asleep in my bed. Eventually he was pretty much living with me. When Narcissa got sick and he needed to return home, he asked me to come with him. I tried to tell him no, but he said he loved me and by that point the feeling was mutual. So, I did what he'd been after me to do for a while, I quit Auror training and moved home with him.

He was slowly taking over every aspect of my life, there was nothing more important to me than Draco. I noticed how jealous he was, but I just thought it was because he loved me so much. When Narcissa died, and you and I started spending more time together, he started to change even more. I didn't realize it until later though. By then, it was too late. He'd already started to play certain _games_ with me during sex. I was a little horrified at first, but he cast spells so that I felt no pain. He said… He said he enjoyed sex so much more when I was bleeding. He always healed me after, and he took care of my needs as well, so I let him cut me.

Anyway, one night, we were discussing getting older. He was joking about what we might look like, and I said something that I have regretted to this day. That night was the first time he cut me without casting a spell to block my pain. I tried to leave him the next day and he… he did something to make sure I never would."

I'm revolted by my son's perversions. I cannot believe that, with everything available to him for an outlet as a wizard, he has chosen to hurt someone else. I tried to get him away from the Dark Lord before he could be tainted, but obviously I failed.

"What did you say to him, Harry?" He laughs darkly before answering me.

"Well, he gets a little jealous if someone else looks at me, or touches me. If, however, I make even an innocent comment about someone, he goes into a blind rage. I told him that, if you could judge what you'd look like based on your parents, then he shouldn't worry about aging. I told him that his father was beautiful, so he would be as well."

My breath catches in my throat. Harry's words sound innocent enough, but if that was the look on his face when he said that to my son? Well, I can see how someone who's prone to jealousy might overreact. I won't dwell on it though, there are things more important than my libido.

"What did he do to you when you tried to leave?" I know exactly what morning he's talking about. They'd had a huge row that had lasted almost two weeks. Then, nothing. I'd thought they'd worked it out, until I started to notice things. The way Harry seemed less in awe of Draco and more frightened of him. The way Draco seemed entirely too possessive of his lover. The bruises and scars that were sometimes accidentally exposed. The way he stopped joining me for a drink before bed.

"He cast a spell on me. A curse that only he can remove. I'm stuck here until he decides to release me," That doesn't make sense, there are multiple spells to keep someone prisoner, but I can't think of a single one that can only be removed by the caster.

"I don't understand, Harry. What kind of limitations do you have? I know you aren't limited to the house, I've seen you outside. Did he limit you to the property? Can you remember any part of the spell?" He laughs, another humorless cackle.

"You want to know my _limitations_, Lucius?"

"Yes, it's imperative that I know as much as I can."

"I can't _come," _His choice of words make no sense to me, he must see my confusion.

"Not only can I not come, I can't even get _hard_. Not with him, not on my own, it just doesn't work. He's rendered me impotent with a curse that only he can counter. I keep thinking it would be better to suffer this on my own, but every time I decide to leave, he holds over my head the promise of one day - when he can trust me again - removing it."

My son's cruelty knows no bounds. Luckily for Harry, I'm very familiar with that particular bit of Dark Magic. Maybe Draco does get some of his bad habits from me, though, because before I tell Harry that I can alleviate his problem, there's something I want to know.

"How long has it been since he's pleasured you, Harry?" He drops his gaze and refuses to look me in the eye as he answers.

"He has never removed the curse, not even for a minute," For a moment, I'm speechless. It's been…

"Three years since he's relieved you? Three _years_ since you've been able to relieve yourself?" And if the marks on his legs and my son's penchant for instant gratification are any indication, it hasn't been nearly that long since they were intimate. That spell doesn't keep one from _feeling_ aroused, only from reaching the state physically.

"Yes, three fucking _years_!" The chair crashes to the floor as he jumps and starts pacing, "I want to leave, Lucius, I want to get the fuck out of here and never see him again, but, like any man, I can't think with the right head long enough."

It's no wonder, that would be enough to drive any sane man mad within a few weeks, especially considering the fact that he's been keeping my son well satisfied.

"Calm down, Harry. I can fix this," He stops in his tracks and turns to me with so much hope that my heart twists.

"You can… But he said… I've tried…"

"Harry, the curse can be removed by anyone sharing his blood," He looks as if he's going to faint, but catches himself on the post of the bed.

"You're serious?"

"Absolutely, and I will do it on two conditions," Anger flares in his eyes and I wonder if I've made a grievous mistake.

"What is it with you damned Malfoys? You always want something. Do you ever do _anything_ out of the goodness of your heart? Do you even have one? Or is it ripped out at birth?"

"Harry, all I want is for you to let me heal your wounds and scars. I also want you to promise me that you will leave him. Leave him and do _not _look back," His anger changes to disbelief.

"That's it?"

"Yes," His joy is palpable. He starts to divest himself of his clothing, and I try not to notice every scar that lines his magnificent body. I also try very hard not to let myself enjoy the unwitting show he is providing.

Once he is naked except for his underwear, he turns to me with excitement, "Where do you want to do this, Lucius?"

Oh Merlin, I am an evil old man. I can't help but to imagine he's speaking of something entirely different. Yes, I've longed for Harry. Yes, I've coveted my son's lover. Yes, I want him even now.

"On the bed?" Yes, Harry, on the bed. It really is the most reasonable place since I need him to lay down.

"Yes." I hope my voice doesn't sound as husky to him as it does my own ears.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So, maybe not a one-shot. I'm not sure how much time or effort I'll be able to put into this, but for now, it's demanding to be written. Enjoy! Much love.**

Though I desperately want to, I do not climb onto the bed with Harry. Not only would my… _affections_ not be received well at the moment, I wouldn't dare touch him without being able to ensure his pleasure as well.

I must inspect his wounds, but I want to make sure he isn't in any pain as I do so. I cast a numbing charm on him and lean over to get a closer look. He's fidgeting under my gaze and I realize that I'm making him uncomfortable.

"I'm truly sorry, Harry, but I just want to make sure that the salve I have on hand is going to be sufficient to heal these."

"I understand, it's not that. It's just that I haven't been this exposed in front of anyone but him since Hogwarts. It's just a little weird, that's all," I wonder if it's 'weird' in a good way, or a bad way, but I won't ask.

"Ok, well, what I have should do for now. I'll have Severus prepare something more adequate later. Can you apply it? I can help with your back, I can't imagine you'll be able to reach those properly," I curse my son for the fact that the first - and possibly only - time I touch Harry's bare skin will be to treat his wounds.

"Yeah, sure, and the curse?" This is the news that will not go over so well.

"I can remove it, but it will take some time. If it had been cast only a few days ago, I could remove it immediately. As it is, you've been under it's effects for several years. It will take treatment over the course of several weeks for you to regain full…_use_ of your-"

"Ok, ok, I get it, several weeks before I can get a stiffy. I don't see how that will be easy, Lucius. Will you travel to the Burrow to treat me? You know I won't be able to come back here."

"You won't be leaving here until you are _fully_ healed, Harry," I summon the salve from my rooms and hope it makes the journey without shattering.

"How do you suggest I do that? Trust me, you do not want the two of us under the same roof. Especially not now, now that I know I don't need him," The salve lands safely in my open palm and I unscrew the top.

"Sit up, Harry, I'll do your back and then leave you to finish. Draco will not be here. As soon as I'm finished here, I will be changing the wards surrounding the manor to deny him entry," He hisses as my hand comes in contact with his damaged back.

"Does that hurt? It shouldn't, you should be pleasantly numb to pain."

"Numb to pain, yes. Icy coldness? Not so much," I silently berate myself for my inconsideration. I warm the next dollop between my hands before applying it.

"Oh, that's better. Sorry, I didn't mean to complain, it was fine, really," It's almost like he's two different people. Flashes of the old Harry keep peeking out, but the new Harry tries to beat his true nature down.

"No, it was not. It is perfectly acceptable to let me know when you are not comfortable. I can tell it wasn't something Draco concerned himself with, but _I _will. Now, once we are finished here, I would like you to pack anything in this room that belongs to you. I will be moving you to another wing of the house. You can choose, of course, I would just rather have you out of here," I'm moving much slower than is necessary in applying the medicine to his shoulders and back, but these kind of things should be handled with care, right?

"Lucius, I'm grateful for your offer, but I cannot throw Draco out of his own home."

"_You_ are not, I am. He is no longer welcome here and that is a fact that will not be changed by your presence," If I had to look at the boy now, or any time soon, I fear that I would end up in Azkaban for murder.

"Lucius-"

"Enough, Harry. I have decided, and you will not change my mind. If you will rest easier, I will firecall Severus and let him know that Draco will be without a home. He will not sleep on the streets, but he will not be allowed to harm you any longer," I need for Harry to know that he's safe with me. He needs to know that I will do anything to protect him, even disown my own son.

"Just so you know, it isn't me you are keeping out of harm's way. He used my love against me, and when he no longer had that, he took my manhood and waved it over my head. He used my body for his own pleasure without considering my needs or desires. He coerced me into staying with him and sleeping with him when I didn't want to. If I cross paths with him again, it isn't me that will end up in St. Mungo's."

It feels good to hear him come a little farther out of his shell. He sounds more like himself and I can't believe that my son would have ever wanted him to be different. I know there are still doubts and fears lingering below the surface of his bravado, but it bodes well that he is angry at the person who put him in this situation.

"You will hear no arguments from me, it's the least he deserves. I haven't decided yet whether to turn him in to the authorities, I am going to leave that up to you," Sadly, I've spent as much time rubbing his back as propriety will allow. I try to hand him the salve and step away from the bed, but he stops me.

"Would you mind… I mean… could you maybe do my chest too? I could do it myself, but it's nice to be touched without worrying about being hurt," His face is red and he's starring at the floor. I want to tilt his head up and make him look me in the eye, but what I want has no place here.

"Lean back, Harry. I can't reach you properly with you hunched over," He thought I would deny him, It's written all over his face in the form of wide eyes and a hanging jaw. He only allows me to see his surprise for a moment before he leans back on his hands presenting me with his chest. The cuts aren't as deep on his front and there aren't as many.

I steel myself for the nearly impossible task he has given me. Though he's been my son's plaything for several years, he hasn't let his quidditch toned body go. He isn't overly muscular, but his chest and abdomen are well defined. The contrast of my pale hands on his golden skin is striking.

I don't linger over his chest like I did his back, I don't think my sanity will remain intact if I do, "All done, now, you do your thighs, and I will tend to the wards. Once you are finished packing, join me in the study and we will discuss which room you will take."

"Yes, sir," I can't admonish him for calling me that when he's smirking so sexily. He doesn't wait for me to turn away before beginning to rub the salve into his thighs. I turn away and hastily exit the room.

I make quick but thorough work of adjusting the wards. Once I am satisfied that Draco will find no crack, I return to the Manor. I need to get in touch with Severus, but I will wait for at least an hour. I want to make sure that Draco has left and that I can speak to the man privately. My time with Harry has left me a little shaken, so I pour myself a generous glass of scotch.

"Would you mind if I had a glass? I could really use it right now," I'd imagine he could.

"Most certainly, I wasn't expecting you down so soon. Did you already gather your belongings?" I hand him the glass and he downs it quickly.

"Yeah, didn't have much, just some clothes," It's unbelievable to me that he's been here as long as he has and his only possessions are clothes. I will remedy that very soon.

"Very well. I was thinking that you should take the wing closest to me. You, of course, may override that decision, but it just seems most reasonable. With just the two of us here, there's no reason for us to be so far apart."

"No, Lucius, the wing closest to you was-"

"Narcissa's, yes, I'm aware. Still, I'd like for you to stay there if it's agreeable to you," I miss my wife, truly I do, but she is gone and I have lived in the past far too long.

"Yes, it's fine, I just don't want to encroach on her territory. I don't want to take something that belongs to her," I search his face for any double meaning, but, it seems as if he really is only referring to her rooms.

"_Belonged_, Harry. She is dead. I loved her dearly, but she is gone. Either way, she would not begrudge you use of her rooms. You did not know her well, but my wife was a very kind soul."

"I know. It would have taken someone pretty special to have earned your devotion and love," He's staring into his empty glass as he finishes, almost too quietly for me to hear, "She was a very lucky lady."

He doesn't give me a chance to respond, though I'm not sure what I might have said, "So, I'll take her rooms. I won't be a burden to you for long, Lucius. As soon as I'm healed and _whole _again, I'll move out. You and Draco should try to work past this. The two of you are family, and I don't want to be responsible for causing a rift between you."

"Draco has done the damage, Harry. You are only responsible for your own actions, and you have done nothing for which to feel guilty. You are welcome here for as long as you wish to stay. I'm rather fond of your company and I have missed that recently. I would not be opposed to the idea of you making this your permanent residence. However, we need not discuss that today. Let's get you settled in your rooms, and you can nap before dinner. I still need to contact Severus, and that's something I'd like to do in private."

He nods and stands, but he's looking at me curiously. Maybe I've revealed too much, but someone has to reach out to this boy. I'm not the most desirable person for the job, but I'm the only one available. I feel a little wretched for being happy that I'm the only person who can fully heal him. Maybe my son didn't learn his evil ways from the Dark Lord after all.


	3. Chapter 3

"Severus, has Draco left yet?"

"Hello to you as well, Lucius," This is not time for pleasantries, but I will take a moment to humor the man, but _only_ a moment.

"Hello, Severus. Is Draco there?"

"No, he left just seconds ago. I think he was intending to visit Ms. Parkinson before returning home," This isn't a huge surprise, he often spends time with her. He couldn't have picked a better day for a visit.

"Would you like to come through, Lucius? I have a feeling this will not be a short conversation," I have told him my suspicions concerning Draco and Harry's relationship, and he was aware of what I intended to do today.

"I would rather not leave the Manor at this time, but if you'd like to step through, you are welcome to do so," He nods and I step back to give him room. Once he has dusted himself off, I offer him a drink.

"I'm assuming I'm going to need it. Well, were you able to get him to talk?"

"Yes, and that is why I needed to speak with you. Draco will no longer be residing here," I hand him his drink and motion for him to sit.

"I see, is he aware of this turn of events?" Naming Severus as Draco's Godfather was probably one of the wisest moves I've ever made. He has gone above and beyond to care for my son and I have no doubt that he will now as well. Even though I am not pleased with Draco at the moment - and that is stating it lightly - he is still my son and I love him.

"He is not. I was content to let him fend for himself, but Harry was concerned for his welfare. I must ask if you will be willing to offer him shelter should he seek it tonight," I know I need not even ask, but I want to put Harry's fears to rest.

"Of course, Lucius, how bad is it?" It's no secret that there's no love lost between my oldest friend and Harry, but the man isn't heartless.

"Worse than I had imagined, Severus. The boy is covered with cuts and teeth marks," I will not tell him any specifics unless Harry gives me permission, or Draco sees fit to confess his transgressions, "Harry has been under the effects of a curse for some time now. He says that is the only reason he has allowed Draco's abysmal behavior to continue."

"Do you believe him? Or, is it possible that his wounds extend deeper than he will admit?"

"He seems to be handling it fairly well emotionally, though only time will tell," He is silent for a few moments before asking a question I had hoped I wouldn't have to answer.

"Was Draco engaging in the use of illegal curses?" Yes, but not the one of which Severus is thinking.

"He wasn't using unforgivables."

"That was not what I asked, Lucius."

"I am aware of that, Severus," I give him a meaningful look before continuing with a lighter topic we need to discuss, "It seems I find myself in need of a stronger healing salve. Do you have some on hand?" He already knows what I have in my stores, since it came from him to begin with.

"I always have healing medicines, but I'll be able to create one specifically for his injuries if I'm allowed to examine him. It will probably cut his recuperation time in half. Can I assume you will be needing something for the scarring as well?"

"Yes, but I would prefer to consult Harry before agreeing to allow you to examine him," I think he will be agreeable, but it has been far too long since he has been able to make his own decisions.

"Of course, I expected no less. Will you be informing Draco of the reasons he has been banned from the Manor? I suppose you have altered your wards?"

"I will not see Draco today, I cannot. The wards have been adjusted and I will send a house elf out to greet him upon his arrival this afternoon. He will be educated on the reasons for his exile and of where he may seek shelter. That is all I can afford him just now. If Harry consents to let you see him tomorrow without my presence, I shall speak with Draco then," It is not a conversation I am looking forward to, but it must be done.

"Lucius, I understand the compulsion to step in, but why are you harboring Harry and turning your son away? Surely Draco is deserving of your consideration as well," Though his words upset me, I find myself grateful, once again, that this man cares so much. Draco will be cared for and he will have someone to turn to in my absence.

"I know you don't understand, but trust me, this is for the best. If you knew the things I do, you might be more inclined to agree with my decision. Please, save your judgments until after you have seen and spoken with Harry."

"I trust you, Lucius, but I can't help but be curious. It seems there is more here than meets the eye," He's studying me carefully and I strengthen the shields on my mind just a little more. If I reveal any of my true feelings for the boy, Severus will think me absolutely wicked. I do love Harry, but I'm not blinded by that. I want him safe and happy more than I want him to be mine. I withstand his scrutiny, maybe not long enough for him to believe he is wrong, but long enough for him to realize I will not be spilling my innermost secrets.

"Very well, I have something for his scars on hand, and I will begin preparing the base for a healing salve and a pain potion tonight. After I see Harry tomorrow, all I'll need to do is add a few last ingredients. I should be able to have both ready for him by tomorrow night. What time shall I expect you to hear from you?"

"I will call on you sometime before lunch if that is acceptable."

"Yes, I'll be waiting. I will tend to Draco tonight, as I'm sure he will not be in the best of moods. I must be going, I do not know how long he planned on visiting, and I do not wish to be here when he arrives," He steps into the fireplace and gives me a sad smile before flooing home.

"Lucius?" I didn't realize he had entered the room.

"Harry, I thought you were resting?"

"I know you said I should, but I didn't much feel like it. I'd really rather not be alone right now. I've spent so much time alone the past few years, that I'd rather take advantage of the fact that I don't have to anymore. If that's ok?" I'd love nothing more than to be in his company at all times.

"That's fine, desirable even. I didn't mean to suggest you nap if you did not wish to, I had just assumed you'd be tired."

"Lucius, I want to be honest with you, I heard most of your conversation with Snape," He glances at me briefly before averting his eyes. I have a gut twisting hunch that he's waiting to be reprimanded for eavesdropping. I have no intention of doing so, I would have listened if I were in his position.

"Good, then I will not have to fill you in on the details. Are you amenable to Severus visiting with you tomorrow? He will need to see your wounds. He will also likely ask many questions that you may not wish to answer. If that is the case, I'd like you to know that, though he is my friend and this is my house, you are under no obligation to respond. Do you understand?"

"Yes, and I will answer anything he asks of me. I kind of agree that it should be Draco here instead of me, but I will do anything I can to keep him from thinking you have abandoned your son. I… Lucius, I just want you to know that I'm very grateful to you. I'm not sure how much longer I would have lasted… Well, I mean, I just needed someone to… I was at the end of my rope and…" He's scaring me. The thought that he might have taken drastic measures to free himself from my son is too much. I don't even want to consider what course of action he might have taken.

"It's ok, Harry. Even heroes need to be rescued from time to time. Besides, you've saved me enough that is was time to return the favor," He grins at me much like he used to on a daily basis. It's only been a few hours and he's already starting to piece together the 'Harry' he'd once been. I'm starting to hope that he isn't broken beyond repair.

"Yep, that's me, just your average knight in shining armor. What's for dinner?" I'm relieved to be moving to a less heavy topic.

"Ah, I'm not sure. Why don't you sneak into the kitchen and find out? I have something I must attend to, but I'll only be a moment," His eyes darken slightly but he doesn't protest.

"Sure, I'll…uh, see you in the dinning room?"

"Absolutely," I sound more relaxed than I am.

I wait for the door to close before I call for the house elf least likely to be affected by the tantrum Draco will throw.

"Pippi!" She answers my call immediately.

"Yes, Master? You be having need of Pippi's assistance?"

"Yes, I'd like for you to go to Draco's rooms and collect anything he will need for a few days away from the Manor," I'll send everything else to him in the next couple days.

"Once you have completed that task, you are to wait for him outside the wards at the front of the Manor. I'm sure, by now, you've noticed that they have been changed to refuse him entry," She nods vigorously, house elves are always fully in tune with the house in which they serve.

"He will not be happy, but that is to be expected. You will deliver a message for me as well as the bag you pack for him, and then return quickly. You are _not_ to allow him to harm you and you are _not _to follow any orders from him. Is that perfectly clear?"

"Yes, Master. Pippi is understanding Master perfectly. Master Draco be treating Master Harry poorly," Her eyes are wide and I think I detect a tiny bit of relief in them.

"Pippi, how long have you known?"

"Master, Pippi be knowing everything that happens within the walls of Master's home. Pippi is a good elf, sir. Pippi be taking care of Master Harry when Master Draco is away. Pippi is full of remorse that she did not tell Master. Master Harry asked Pippi not to. Pippi is very sorry, sir," Though she is the least anxious of the elves I own, she is wringing her hands nervously.

"You will not be punished, Pippi, and I do not wish you to punish yourself. Though Harry is not Master of this home, he has been part of our family for some time now. I would not wish for you to disobey his orders. In the future, however, I do instruct you to inform me of anything that could be harmful to him. Understood?"

"Yes, Master. Master is being most generous and forgiving. Pippi will do as Master has instructed," She doesn't throw herself at my feet, but I can see her shaking with restraint.

"Very good. You are to tell Draco that I am fully aware of the nature of his relationship with Harry. You are to inform him that relationship is over. Let him know that Severus has offered his spare room and that I will be in contact with him in the morning. That is all, Pippi. Return to me once you have spoken with Draco," I will need to make sure that she is ok. Though I don't think Draco would harm her, I'm starting to realize that I don't know my son as well as I'd once thought.

**A/N: Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews. It's much more fun to write when you know you have an audience who is enjoying your hard work. I'm sorry for doing this to Draco, I love him soooo much. I dread writing the chapters where I'll have to inject cruelty into a character that I tend to soften in my mind. Anyway, don't expect him to take this gracefully, but I may redeem him later. Oh, but don't think this will turn into a Drarry fic, this one will be Lucius/Harry all the way. Much love!**


	4. Chapter 4

Harry is waiting for me at the table. I'm pleased to see he's taken the seat he once occupied to my right. Draco always sat to my left and Narcissa to my right., but by the time Harry moved in, Narcissa was too ill to join us for meals. So it just seemed sensible that Harry should take her chair. When he started withdrawing, that was the first thing that changed. He no longer sat beside me, instead he took the seat to Draco's left.

He looks a little unsure and a lot anxious. I'd like to avoid talking about anything that has to do with Draco, but I know that isn't likely. He proves that point for me as soon as I'm seated.

"Has he been here yet?" He isn't looking at me, he's playing with the corner of his napkin. I wonder if this habit of casting his eyes downward is courtesy of my son as well. He didn't used to behave in this manner in my presence. Maybe Draco saw eye contact as Harry challenging him.

"No, Harry, I know that it will be difficult for a while, but do you mind attempting to look at me when you speak to me?" I guess, to anyone else, it wouldn't be a problem, but for me, it is. I love looking at him, but looking into his eyes is extremely pleasing to me. He continues to study his napkin for a few seconds before raising his head.

"Sorry, he, uh doesn't like for me to look at you. It'll take a little while for me to adjust to the fact that I'm free to do that now," I shouldn't ask, but I do anyway.

"Why did he not like for you to look at me, Harry?" He blushes so deeply that I almost feel sorry enough to retract the question… _almost_.

"He thought… um, well he was sure…" He takes a deep breath and continues in a less panicked voice, "At first he thought that I was attracted to you." He looks down, but quickly catches himself and raises his head again.

Instead of asking him if Draco's assumption was correct, which would not only be inappropriate, but preposterous, I ask him for some clarity, "At first?"

"Yeah, that kind of progressed. He started to get paranoid," Oh Merlin, I know where this is going, and I want to stop him, but I don't. He's suffered this for years, the least I can do is listen to the horrors he's lived.

"He decided that we were getting a little too _close_. He was sure I was sleeping with you. He even started tying one of my arms to the headboard at night. He thought I was sneaking to your bed in the middle of the night," I'm careful not to let my facial expression change. I'm suddenly sorry that I asked him to look at me, because he was completely focused on my face for that admission.

I can't seem to gather enough air to speak and he's still looking at me. I'm disgusted with myself. I never wanted to take Harry from Draco, but I did want him. Had he come to me like that, I would not have turned him away.

"He used to ask me if you liked me limp, if you were pleased that you only had to concern yourself with your own release," Is it wrong that I want to have a chance to physically refute the idea that I am a selfish lover? Yes, very wrong indeed.

"Harry-" I'm glad he interrupts me, I'm not sure what might have come out if not.

"It's ok, sorry, I don't mean to ruin dinner. I probably shouldn't be telling you this anyway."

"You haven't ruined anything, Harry. You _need_ to get this all out, and right now I'm the only person here. If you want to talk to someone else though, I could arrange for that. I don't mind listening, not at all, but I want you to be comfortable," I'm not sure if I'd rather he tell me or someone else.

"No, I'd rather not lay my humiliation out for anyone else, thanks. It's bad enough that I'll have to tell Snape. I can just imagine the glee he will get from this," He's blushing again.

"You might be surprised. Severus can be harsh, he can also be quite cruel with his words, but that's as far as it goes. He would never wish your predicament on you and he certainly will not be delighted about it. Honestly, I would not want to be Draco tomorrow when Severus returns home," One wouldn't know it from looking at him, but Severus is a sensualist, he will be horrified by what he will see as a sin against man's very nature. He will also despise the way Draco has mangled Harry's body. Severus feels very strongly that pain and sex do not mix.

"I hope you're right, this is bad enough without being mocked for it. Draco isn't quite as refined with his insults as Snape is, luckily," I hate my son for what he's done to this beautiful boy.

We're disrupted by a very loud commotion from outside. Ah yes, that would be Draco. Moments after it starts, Pippi pops into the room.

"Master? Pippi be finished with her task. Master Draco is being very upset right now," I wave her away and give all of my attention to the boy starting to hyperventilate beside me. He's drawn into himself as much as possible and is sitting on his hands staring at the table. Every time Draco's voice drifts brokenly into the room, Harry flinches.

I have half a mind to confront the little wretch right now, but Harry needs me more. With a flick of my wand I spell the room silent. It's a sort of reverse silencing spell. As soon as the atmosphere around us is calm, Harry starts to get control of himself.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just… he sounds so… I'm used to…"

"Ssshh, just relax Harry. He'll be gone shortly," I know what he's going to say. He's remembering all the times that Draco's anger meant his own pain. He says he hasn't loved Draco in a while, but I have to wonder how true that is. Surely there must have been some part of him holding on to the other boy for him to still be here, to have allowed the abuse as long as he did. I can't imagine that even the thought of a lifetime of celibacy would have been enough to reduce Harry Potter to a trembling mass of fear incarnate.

"Lucius? I'm not so hungry now. I think maybe I'd like to rest. Will you let me know when he's gone so I can go to my room?" He sounds so small, looks so delicate, I want to pull him into my lap and hold him. I'm not sure how well he'd take to that, so I reach out and hold my hand open. I'm not demanding, I'm simply giving him the option. It takes a few seconds for him to notice my outstretched hand, but when he does, he takes it without question.

"Pippi!"

"Yes, Master?"

"Please inform me the moment the hysterics have ceased."

"Yes, sir." We sit like that for almost an hour, not saying anything, him clinging to my hand, before Pippi returns to inform me that Draco has left.

"Thank you, Pippi. Please prepare Harry's dinner to be served in his rooms. I'll expect it to be delivered in exactly ten minutes," Harry squeezes my hand tightly.

"Could you join me? I think I don't really want to be alone."

"Pippi, serve us both in Harry's rooms."

"Yes, Master. Pippi will be doing that right now. But, sir?" I turn on her so fast she shrivels.

"_WHAT?"_ I hate to yell at her, she truly is the best elf I have, but my patience is wearing thin.

"Pippi is sorry, sir. Pippi will smash her fingers in the door directly, sir, but will Master be needing help to get Master Harry to his rooms?" She's rubbing her hands together under her chin and looks to be on the verge of tears. I have such a soft spot for her, I feel horrible for being short with her when she was only concerned for Harry.

"There will be no need to smash your fingers, Pippi. Thank you for thinking of Harry. I will manage to escort him to his rooms, just please prepare our food," She doesn't answer verbally, which is abnormal for her, but I can understand her hesitance to speak at the moment. She just nods and vanishes.

"Harry? Can you stand?" He laughs a little and some of the tension gripping me subsides.

"Yeah, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just feeling a little stressed. I'm sorry for freaking out on you," He stands - if a little wobbly - on his own, "See? Not broken, just a little cracked," He tries to smile, but it looks painful.

"Come on, Harry, let's get you to your rooms and you can have dinner in bed," I lead him toward the door.

"Just me? I thought you were going to eat dinner with me?" I don't miss the way his hand clasps even tighter around mine.

"I am."

"Good then, _we_ will have dinner in bed," He is testing my limits, but I can't very well call him on something he doesn't even know he's doing.

"Yes, Harry, we will dine in your bed tonight."

"Sounds very posh, should I dress for the occasion? Pajamas perhaps?" He's coming around again, but he still hasn't released my hand. I don't mention it, I'm a glutton for punishment.

"Yes, I think that would do nicely," I decide to test him a little and stroke the top of his hand with my thumb. It's a dangerous move, I'm not sure how he will react. I'm watching him as closely as I can without directly looking at him.

At first the only sign that he felt my caress is a little tilt at the corner of his mouth. For the entire length of the hall to his rooms he doesn't respond in any other way, but his little half-grin doesn't disappear either. Then, just as I reach for the knob to open his door, he returns the gesture before squeezing my hand rapidly three times and letting go. My hand feels cold and wrong now, lonely almost.

I'm following him in when he stops me, "Aren't you going to change into your pajamas? I thought we'd decided that was the dress code for this establishment?"

"Harry-"

"Nope, jammies, I'm putting them on, and so are you, otherwise it won't feel like dinner in bed. Shoo, go change, but don't take too long or I might start without you," My god, his smile should not be so coy, especially not when he's going to be waiting for me to join him in his _bed._

**A/N: Nope, we're not going _there_ yet, so don't get your hopes up... or throw rotten tomatoes at me if the thought of Harry and Lucius together squicks you. Wait... if that's the case you wouldn't even be here, so yeah... Anyway, I'd thought I'd explain why I do such short chapters. It is very intentional. I prefer to read fics with smaller chapters because when I read I can never wait to get to the end (then I'm always sorry it's over, yeah I'm a woman, never satisfied), if I read a fic with 50 chaps but they are 2,000 words each I feel like I'm making progress faster than a fic that's 25 chaps with 4,000 words in each one. Yeah, I know, it's the same either way, but it _feels_ different. So, you get small chaps because it's my preference, sorry! Love ya though.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: ERRR! I want to give you some insight into Harry and what he's thinking/feeling, but if I do, then I'll be laying it all out for you and I don't want to do that. So, as of now, expect everything to be from Lucius' POV. I'll let Harry remain a mystery… It kills me, it really does, but that's the way it has to be for this to go the way I want. Love you though!**

He's standing over a table inspecting our food when I return. He is wearing emerald green, silk pajamas and I think he looks positively edible, until he turns to look at me. The green of his pajamas reflects in his eyes and makes them even brighter. It's as if the whole bloody world is in black and white and the _only_ color that exists is _green_, and he _owns_ it. The way he's looking at me, like I'm the only man in the universe and he's been waiting _just_ for me, adds to this living portrait of perfection.

"Lucius, you look… wow, I don't think I've ever seen you in pajamas. Do you sleep in them?" I _cannot_ do this any longer. I will _not_ overtly come on to him, but when he leaves me an opening… So, I won't go overboard and invite him to find out, but just a little tease can't hurt too much.

"Only when I sleep alone," I busy myself by completely uncovering our food, but my attention is focused entirely on him.

"Oh… um, do you… do you sleep in them often?" It was timid and squeaky like a little mouse. I can't restrain my chuckle at his awkward attempt to inquire about my sex life. This is not something we should be discussing, but if it gets his mind off Draco, then so be it.

"I have slept in these, or a pair similar, since before my wife passed away."

"Oh," Personally I feel that an admission that heavy deserves more than just an 'Oh'. Or I do, until I remember that it's been almost as long for him and he hasn't even had the fleeting satisfaction of self-pleasure. Which reminds me that we need to discuss treating him for that as well.

As we sit on his bed, trying to balance our plates and glasses of wine on ridiculous trays that are hardly big enough, I ask him, "When would you like to begin working on that curse?"

He does not hesitate, "Right now. Yesterday. A year ago."

"It isn't going to be an overnight fix, like I informed you earlier. I must perform the counter spell several times. The process will be reminiscent of your experience with puberty. At first you will probably experience erotic dreams that will eventually result in-"

"I got it, wet dreams and morning wood that I'll actually know what to do with this time around. I don't need the talk on the birds and the bees. I'd just like to know what we need to do to get it started."

"Wood? Birds and Bees? What kind of coming of age talk _do_ muggles give their children?" I'm a little bit horrified at his references. He just laughs.

"Yeah, I've always thought that was a little strange. Sorry, I don't mean to sound impatient, but I kind of am," He isn't eating, he's just pushing his food around on his plate. I won't say anything to him tonight, it's been a long day, but tomorrow he will need to start eating properly.

"That's perfectly understandable. I really am very sorry about this, Harry. I wish I'd known sooner, I knew something wasn't right. I even had inklings about what was going on, but I never knew how bad. I'd hoped the two of you would be able to work it out on your own."

"It's not your fault, Lucius, besides, how many times did you try to get me to talk? How many times did you ask me if I was ok, if I needed help? I always knew you were there, just waiting for me if it was too much. You know, that's one thing I didn't give in to. He wanted to move away shortly after he cursed me, right about the time he started to believe we were having an affair. It only deepened his suspicion, but I absolutely refused to leave the Manor. You were my safety net, Lucius. So, don't apologize to me, if anything I should be thanking you," It's good to know that he feels safe with me, but worsens my guilt over how I feel about him. I don't feel bad for loving him, but wish I could stop _wanting_ him. I almost feel as if it's a betrayal of his trust.

"I should have pushed harder a hell of a lot sooner, but that cannot be rectified. So, let's just try to move forward. I will perform the first counter spell tonight and I will continue to do so nightly until you are able to achieve an erection and ejaculate successfully. I know it's not ideal to have to talk to me about such things, but it is important that you keep me informed," I hate how clinical I sound, but it's that or seductive and right now the former is the best choice.

"I don't mind so much. I mean, it will probably be embarrassing to endure wet dreams again, but considering what I have to regain, I think I'll be just fine. Draco was very… adventurous, so there isn't much that really embarrasses me about sex anymore, and you probably did not want to hear that, sorry. But, I'm just saying that telling you I came won't be the worst thing I've ever had to do. As a matter of fact, I look forward to it. It's nice, I haven't had anything to look forward to in a while," I can't even process what he's just said. No, I can, I just don't want to. What horrible things did he have to do to please Draco? The cutting, the _bleeding_, obviously, but the way he said that makes me think there was more. I don't let myself dwell on what could be worse than that, because truthfully, I don't want to know.

Now neither one of us is eating, so I collect our trays to return them to the table. He keeps his wine and when I turn back to the bed I'm greeted with a most provocative sight. He's laying on his side with his head propped on his hand, swirling a glass of wine, and watching me. He could easily be a lover waiting for me to return. He isn't, though, and I will do good to remember that.

"Are you ready for me to cast the spell?"

He sets his glass on the bedside table and turns back to me, "I don't have to get… naked or anything, right?" I could say 'yes', he'd never know the difference. I open my mouth to do just that, but shake my head before my traitorous mouth can utter a sound.

"Ok, good. Not that I would mind so much, it just that I don't much like being naked now. It takes someone… _special_ to find my body attractive as it is and it's hard to be comfortable naked if you feel repulsive," 'Special' isn't the word I would have used.

"You are by no means repulsive, Harry. Lay on your back." He grins a little at my compliment, but doesn't comment. It takes me only a few minutes to finish the incantation, but I find myself reluctant to leave.

"Well, that's it. How do you feel? Do you think you need more salve tonight? It's a rather weak mixture, so it wouldn't hurt to apply it again," Yes, I'm searching for any reason to touch him.

"No, I'm ok for tonight," It seems he doesn't want me to leave yet either. He scoots back to his side of the bed and pats the empty spot beside him. I'm going straight to hell. Still, that knowledge doesn't keep me from climbing in and reclining against the headboard as if I belong there.

"Let's play a game," Merlin, Harry, please just _stop_.

"What kind of game?" Now _I_ need to stop.

"We'll take turns asking each other questions. I get to ask you one, and you must answer honestly, then you get to ask one and I have to do the same. We just go back and forth like that, it's a good way to get to know someone. I think, after as long as he kept us apart, we should get reacquainted," Another opening, but I can't think of anything to say that wouldn't be very lecherous.

"Ok."

"You can go first, and you can ask anything you want."

"Wouldn't this be more reliable with a bit of veritaserum?"

"I'm sure that it would, but this is also about trust. We have to trust each other to answer honestly. My turn-"

"Wait, I thought you said I got to go first?"

"I did, you asked about veritaserum and I answered. Now I get to ask a question," The devious little… "It really doesn't bother you for me to be staying here?"

Oh, how to answer that, "You are always welcome in my home, Harry. I enjoy your company very much," Ah, honest and not damning. I'm quite proud of that. I wish I could ask questions so innocent, but there are things I need but don't wish to know.

"Did…" Why do I find this so difficult to ask? "Did Draco find it attractive? The wounds and scars?" He stills for a moment before answering.

"In a way. I don't think he found them physically attractive, he told me that often enough. I think he liked what they represented, the power he had over me," I have to close my eyes for a moment. I can't look at him, not when my guilt is threatening to overwhelm me.

"Lucius? Hey…" He's so gentle, like I'm the one who needs comforting, and maybe I am, but he's the one who's been hurt, "It's not your fault, _please_, stop thinking that. To be honest, I'm finding it harder to lay all the blame on Draco. I know I can beat him easily in a duel, still, I stayed. Look, let's forget about the stupid game. Let's try to get some sleep. I know it's early, but I'm a little tired now."

I agree, I hate to end his game so soon and I don't want to leave him, but it has been a very long day. We have another trying day ahead of us before we can rest.

"I'll see you in the morning, Harry," As I stand he grabs my hand and I have the horrifying but wonderful thought that he will ask me to sleep in his bed. _That _would be too much. I just might snap, but he doesn't. Instead he gives my hand three more squeezes before falling back onto the bed and crawling under the covers.

"What was that?" He looks at me like he knows something I don't, like he has a fantastic secret that he won't divulge.

"Maybe I'll tell you one of these days," His smile this time is angelic and it takes my breath. I can only nod and try not to run from the room as I strive to keep myself from doing something utterly idiotic, like kiss him.


	6. Chapter 6

I step through the fireplace and into Severus's living room. He and Draco are both in the room. Draco is staring into a tumbler of whiskey. Severus greets me and tells me that he will remain at the Manor until I come to retrieve him. I have the urge to pull him back and let him serve as a buffer for the confrontation that is about to take place.

For a while, neither of us says anything. Then he speaks and the hope that had flared in me at his long silence vanishes. He isn't remorseful, and he doesn't even pretend to be contrite.

"I knew, you know. I've known for _years_ that you two were fucking. It was all in the way he carried himself in front of you and the way you _looked_ at him. Did you seduce him? Or did he come to you?" He spits each word at me as if each one is a bit of bile that he can't swallow.

"You are delusional," It is imperative that I remain calm, one of us must be in control of the situation - lest it get out of hand - but I will not feed his fantasy that he has been wronged.

"Like hell I am, were the two of sneaking off while mum was dying? She couldn't put out for you anymore, and there was Harry, sweet, innocent _Harry_," I will not stand here and let him ignore the pain he has caused. I will not let him insult the love I had for his mother.

"Draco," I advance on him until I'm leaning over the chair he's sitting in, "I loved your mother very much. It's entirely too bad you didn't learn anything from our relationship. If you had, you might still have Harry. As it is, you have defiled the one good thing you had. You have pushed away a man that loved you despite you being undeserving of it. You have abused and misused someone who would have stood by you for the rest of your miserable life."

"No, _father_, you have taken him away from me. Was it worth it? Was he all that you imagined? The Boy Hero turned man, did he live up to your expectations? Is he a good fuck? Does he suck-"

"Draco!" I have to shout it to be heard over his insane ramblings, but I continue in a much calmer tone, "Do you honestly think that I would have allowed you to continue to desecrate something that was precious to me? Something that _belonged_ to _me_? And make _no_ mistake, had Harry and I been lovers, he would have been _mine_. _Think_ for a moment, Draco. If I had seen the extent to which you were damaging him, do you think I would have let that continue?"

"Father-" He is still angry and there is a gleam of defiance in his eyes, but I see something else. There is just a tiny bit of guilt there as well. He's trying valiantly to stamp it down, but I grab onto it and pull.

"His back, Draco. God, his back, his chest, his _thighs_. How _could_ you? What kind of man can do that someone? To someone he claims to love? You _cursed_ him, Draco," At my first mention of Harry's impotence he jumps out of the chair almost throwing me out of the way.

"You couldn't stand that, could you? You were giving him the one thing I wouldn't, so I had to put a stop to it. It's difficult to bugger someone if you can't even get hard. Merlin, he was always after me to let him fuck me. I am not a girl, I told him as much the first time I fucked him. If one of us was going to be taking it up the arse, it was going to be _him_. You let him, though, didn't you? You saw his one tiny little dissatisfaction and you pounced on it, bent over for him, and let him-"

"That is enough," I'd like to explain to him all of the benefits of having a male lover. I'd like to tell him that sex should never be about who's going to _take it_, but he wouldn't understand. How did I live in the same house with him for so long and not realize what he was becoming? Where did I go wrong as a parent that turned him into _this_. Surely I've made mistakes, but I _did_ try to teach him how to love.

"Draco, you need help. My best advice, and dearest hope for you, is that you seek it. Until then, you will not return to the Manor and you will not see Harry."

"Honestly, is he that bloody good? So good, you'd turn your own son away and keep him locked up in the Manor? Are you that scared he'll come running back to me? He will, you know. It's just a matter of time. He _needs_ me. I don't give up my possessions so easily, he will _always_ need me."

"Draco, my son, you should really dig a little deeper the next time you curse someone. Do your research, know all the components of the curse and _every_ way that it can be countered. Harry will be back to normal again _very_ soon. When you can prove to me that you are in control of yourself, that you have attained the help you need, you may return home. At which point, if Harry wishes to continue a relationship with you, I will not stand in the way. Otherwise, you are not welcome. I will have your belongings delivered to you by the end of the week. If you need to contact me, you can do so through Severus. I love you, Draco, but this cannot continue," Before he can say another word, I slip through the fireplace.

Severus is waiting for me with a glass of scotch, and he's left the bottle open. There is an unreadable expression on his face, but I'm used to that.

"Have you been in to see Harry?"

"Am I typically the type of person to drink this early in the morning? Merlin, Lucius, your son is a monstrosity. I… You know I don't like Harry, but even _I_ feel sorry for him. His body is positively _covered_-" I'm a little tense from my time alone with Draco, and the last thing I need is Severus telling me something I already know.

"Yes, I am fully aware of the state of Harry's body. How long do you think it will take to heal him?"

"The open wounds will be gone within a few days. The scarring will take longer. Treatment over the course of several months will reduce them to almost nothing," He takes a drink of his scotch and runs his finger over the rim of the glass. I've seen Severus drink enough to know that action well. There is something on his mind, something he doesn't want to talk about.

"What's wrong, Severus?" He raises his head up and studies me for a moment.

"The curse, what are you doing about that?" That isn't it, there still something he isn't saying.

"We started last night, it will take a few weeks, but I can counter it," He nods.

"I think, as horrible as it sounds, that's what bothers me the most. The injuries are bad, but those will heal, and he knew that when he did it. However, to risk damaging Harry irreparably with a curse that could easily have gone wrong… It's just unbelievable. Lucius, I fear that Draco may be beyond help and that Harry may never fully recover," I refuse to believe it. Draco is my son, and Harry has shown so much progress in only a day's time.

"You're wrong."

"For their sakes, let's hope I am. There is something I need to ask you, Lucius," Here it is, whatever is whirling around in his head.

"Whatever you say, stays in this room. I will not repeat the information to Draco. I would like to know to cure my own curiosity. Are you and Harry…I mean, is there something _more _going on here?"

I exhale and close my eyes. I can deny anything I need to with Draco. I can hide behind lies and half-truths and feel perfectly justified doing so. With Severus, it's entirely different. He already suspects.

"I'm not sleeping with the boy. He was not - to my knowledge - cheating on Draco," I hope he will let me leave it at that, but it seems luck is not on my side.

"I'm aware of that. I do not think, for even a moment, you would have let him suffer if you had known the extent of his pain. However, the boy seems awfully enamored of you, and you…"

"Severus, please. I believe he is experiencing a small case of hero worship. The boy's whole live has been devoted to saving people and now he feels as if he's been saved," Severus is shaking his head.

"It's more than that, Lucius. And you are in love with him. I see it, and I think that, though Draco embellished it in his mind a bit, he saw it as well. Just be careful. You risk alienating your son further, and pushing Harry too far too fast," He's entirely too observant for his own good, at least where my feelings are concerned. I feel he has missed the mark with Harry.

"I would never-"

"Sometimes we do things we never intended to do, Lucius. Just be mindful of what Harry needs. I believe he would crawl into your bed this very moment if you asked, even if he would get no sexual satisfaction from it. If the two of you are to come out of this intact, he needs time to heal," And I need time to think. Sure, the boy has been saying things that confuse me, but he doesn't know what he's doing, does he?

"Thank you for your concern and assessment of the situation, even if it wasn't requested."

"Or welcome, I assume. You can't live in denial, Lucius. Talk to him, but keep your wits about you and don't rush into something that would not be good for either of you. Now, I must return home. I need to finish the medicines I've started. I will send them by owl later, along with instructions."

"Severus, Draco is slightly upset at the moment, and probably a little more than drunk."

"He's been upset and drunk since he came to me last night, I don't expect that to change in the near future. I will take care of him, Lucius. I may very well pour a sobering draught down the brat's throat and… Well, never mind, you need not concern yourself with that. Suffice to say, he will be fine and I will do my best to help him see the error of his ways."

Maybe I should be worried about sending Severus back to deal with Draco, but I'm not. If anyone can get through to him, it will be Severus. I have other things to think about. Such as, why Severus thinks that Harry has feelings for me. Or, that he thinks Harry would… Merlin help me. Dealing with my own frustration is bad enough, but if Harry is feeling the same way and has no outlet for it…No, I cannot allow myself to think like that. That way madness lies.


	7. Chapter 7

I knock on his door gently, in case he is resting, but he answers immediately.

"Come in."

He's sitting in a chair by the window reading a book. Narcissa used to sit in the very same spot and engage in the very same activity. I think it should feel wrong seeing him there, but it doesn't. It makes me miss what I've lost and long for something I shouldn't. It takes me a moment to locate my voice.

"Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt your reading," He lays the book on the foot of the bed after marking his page.

"No, it's fine. I was just passing the time. How did it go with Draco?" It upsets me that, even though the boy tortured Harry, he still wants to know about Draco.

"He will be okay. It may take some time, but I think, once he understands that he truly isn't coming back here, he will consider getting the help he needs. It is important that I offer my support to him once he chooses to do that. Until then, however, I intend to have little to no contact with him."

"Ummm, I wasn't really asking about Draco. I was wondering how _you_ are doing. I mean, I want him to be okay as well, but I know it has to be hard on you to leave your son like that," Severus' words come back to me, and I search his face for any sign of what the other man saw. There's nothing, he's looking at me now the same way he's been looking at me for the past couple years.

"I'm fine, or I will be. I may be disappointed in my son at the present time, but I have faith in him. He _will_ get better. However, he isn't my concern right now, you are. How are you feeling after your meeting with Severus?"

"Good, he was really very… understanding. I don't think he made one cutting remark, which is saying a _lot_ for him. So yeah, it was good. I am quite hungry though. Do you think we could have some lunch?"

We eat together and I spend the entire meal still searching. Like Severus said, it would not do to make any kind of move on the boy, but I'd like to know if his assessment was accurate. I'm coming to the conclusion that Severus may be a little delusional as well. Sure, Harry says things sometimes that could be taken several different ways, but it's innocent.

After lunch, he retires to his rooms for a nap, and I use the time to take care of some household business. I'm in my study when the first letter arrives. It is a howler, and though Harry is the intended recipient, I open it. I enchant a quill on my desk to make a transcription in case Harry would like to read it later.

_You filthy, lying _whore_. Was this your plan from the beginning? Use me to get to my father, then have me removed from my own bloody _home?_ I spent years taking care of you. Who made sure that you ate after that damned war? Who made sure you slept? _Bathed? _Who held your bloody hand at all the funerals? Who was there for you during your nightmares, drunken nights, and hangovers? Who protected you from the press? From all of your adoring fans always looking to get a piece of the Boy Who Lived? Who stood by your side when it finally became too much, and you told the whole _fucking_ wizarding world to go to _hell?

_I _loved_ you, Harry. I fucking loved you, and _this_ is how you repay me? So many times, I asked you, I _begged_ you to confess. I gave you so many chances, and every _fucking_ time you denied it. I knew though, you couldn't hide how you felt. Sometimes you even said his name in your sleep. Do you know how it feels to hear your lover _moaning_ your father's name is his sleep?_

_He's going to hurt you, Harry. It's what he does best. He was a Death Eater, Harry, he put himself in that position willingly and took my mum and me along with him. He has _killed_ people and he doesn't _care_. He'll leave you once he's bored with you. Don't expect me to be waiting for you. I'm finished with you Harry. You were never good enough for me anyway. _

Finally, the letter tears itself apart and falls to the floor. I look over the parchment on my desk to make sure that the written letter is accurate. I fold it in half and place it in the top drawer of my desk. Harry may very well want to read it, and I won't deny him, but I won't force him either. There are things there that are true and I'm not sure how he would react to hearing it.

I_ did_ willingly join the Dark Lord and I didn't, not even once, look back. I did it to protect my family. Maybe I'm a coward, maybe I should have held fast to my morals like James and Lily (and _so_ many others), but my family lived, and theirs did not. I have murdered, in cold blood even, and I do not regret it. The people who have died at the end of my wand may not have deserved it, but with the Dark Lord, it was always a kill or be killed situation. If they hadn't died by my hand, they would have died by someone else's and my family and I would have joined them in death.

I am not proud of many of my choices, but if I had to do it all again, I would do it the same. I am not _proud_, but I do not regret what saved my wife, my son, and myself. I _cannot_ regret it. I know there was no other option and to feel sorry for what I've done would only drive me mad.

I'm - thankfully - pulled out of the past by Harry clearing his throat at the door, apparently I left it open when I entered.

"Hey," His voice is scratchy from sleep, his usually tousled hair is standing up even more, and his clothes are slightly wrinkled. I could stand to wake up to that every morning.

"Hello, Harry. Did you sleep well?"

"Great, but I was wondering when Snape was going to send the medicines. I'm a little sore and I prefer not to use numbing charms, they make me a little clumsy," I see just how sore he is when he sits on my couch and hisses as his trousers pull tight on his thighs. He doesn't lean back and I know his cuts are probably bothering him even more than the mess on his legs.

"I expect they will arrive sometime after dinner," He nods and bites his lip in an effort to ignore his pain.

"Why don't you go back up to your room. You could get out of your clothes and relieve some of the pressure on them. Did you sleep in your clothes?"

"Yeah, I fell asleep while I was reading. I toss and turn a lot and I think that's why I'm hurting so much. I think some of the scabs may have pulled loose," I despise seeing him in so much agony.

"Go on, Harry. I'll have Pippi bring your dinner as soon as it's ready, and I'll be up with the medicines as soon as Severus sends them," He shakes his head, but it takes him a few seconds before he can respond.

"No, I don't want to eat alone. I'll join you for dinner."

"The dining room chairs are hardly ideal for your current condition. I don't know how you managed before," I won't pretend he hasn't been enduring this for far too long.

"Draco would usually numb me before we came down, I just don't want that right now. It's rather difficult to walk when your legs are partly numb. He would help me down the stairs and into my seat, since he's not here, I'd like to be able to take care of myself," One more puzzle piece slips into place. I'd always thought that Harry was clinging to Draco in a loving manner. I now know it was out of need rather than desire. I hate Draco and myself just a little more.

"Harry, let me numb you, then I will help you to the table or your room, wherever you'd rather eat."

"No, I don't want to be a burden-"

"Harry James Potter! You are not now, nor have you ever been, a burden to me. Now, allow me to assist you," Before he can argue, I've already used a mild numbing charm on him.

"Thank you, Lucius."

"There is absolutely no need to thank me, I owe you much more than this," The grateful smile falls off his face in an instant.

"Is that the reason you're doing this? It's a debt you have to repay?" He's almost disappointed. I feel the need to explain myself, but I do not want to scare him.

"Not exactly, I have other reasons that are entirely my own and I do not wish to share those with you. So, I'll just say that I care about your well-being, and I'll do what needs to be done to make sure that you are healed and cured of all the atrocities my son has inflicted on you," He contemplates my words for a moment. I can almost see the wheels in his head turning. I'm not sure what conclusion he draws, but it's enough to have him holding his hand out for my assistance. I offer it without another word.

Dinner is short and almost completely silent. I'm not sure what's going through his head, but mine is full of him. I have never been as close to him as I was earlier. Sure, I've had my hands on his naked back and chest, but on the way to dinner his side was pressed firmly to mine. I felt every muscle shift as he walked. I felt every breath he breathed. I could even feel his heartbeat through the fabric of our shirts as I lowered him to his chair. It was excruciating. It was incredible. I'm playing a dangerous game, and I'm not sure whether I want to win or lose.

We're just finishing dinner when Pippi enters the room with a package, "Ah, Severus was quicker than I expected."

"Is that it?" He slides his chair back from the table, "Let's go, then, I want this done."

"Just a moment, Severus has sent some instructions," He has concocted a medication that will allow Harry to heal within a few days' time. The application will be painful, though, and that pain will last several hours. Severus has sent a potion for Harry to consume before applying the salve. There is also some scar diminishing cream, but he is not to use that until all of his open wounds are healed. I explain the procedure, as well as the side-effects of the potion.

"So, salve for the next few days, potion that will make me groggy beforehand, then scar cream. Is that right? Oh, and the counter spell as well, can't forget that," It seems he's ready to begin when he stands up and heads toward the stairs on his own.

"Do you need some help, Harry?" I shove the various jars into my pockets and hurry to assist him.

"No, the numbing charm has worn off enough I can walk, but the pain hasn't come back so strong yet," He's still moving slowly, but not nearly as slowly as he was earlier.

I follow closely behind him to his rooms, just in case he needs me. As we enter, he starts trying to remove his clothing. It's a painful process and I can tell it would be easier on him if I were to help. He looks at me gratefully as I lift his shirt gently over his head. I let him unbutton his trousers, and I have every intention of letting him remove them, but he doesn't. He unfastens them and lets his hands fall to his sides.

I know he could do this part on his own, but I don't want to embarrass him by saying it. I also do not want to pass up this opportunity. I hear his breath hitch when my fingers brush his hips as I grip the sides of his trousers. My eyes, which were glued to his chest, fly up to his face. His eyes are closed, and he's biting his lower lip. I keep my eyes on his face as I lower them, slower than is necessary or proper. I allow my fingers to trail down the outside of his legs and he starts to breathe faster. I see a light blush start to form on his cheeks.

Once his trousers are all the way down and I'm kneeling in front of him, I gently cup the back of his calf to indicate he should raise his leg. His body shivers slightly and he grabs the back of a nearby chair as he complies with my wordless command. I let my hand slide down his leg and under his foot, never breaking contact with his skin, and he moans. That one, almost inaudible, sound brings my attention to how tight my own pants have become. He still hasn't opened his eyes, and I let myself linger over his second leg and foot in the same manner.

I expect him to jump away from me after I'm finished, but he doesn't. I lament the fact that his arousal can't manifest itself physically. He _is_ turned on, it's written all over his face. Maybe it's a good thing though, because if he was hard now, I don't think I'd be able to stop myself. I try to tell myself that it's just my gentle touch that has him worked up, but that sounds weak and untrue even in my head.

"_Harry, _I apologize, I didn't mean to -" He shakes his head and finally opens his eyes. He looks at me for just a split second and then turns and makes his way to the bed.

"Don't, Lucius, please? Can we just do what we have to and then get some sleep?" I want to tell him that we most certainly cannot. I want to make him tell me what's going on in his head. I want to, but I'm not sure if we're ready for that conversation. I'd have to admit how long I've desired him, and I don't think he would handle that very well.

"Sure. I'll need to perform the spell first, then you can take the potion," I quickly do my part, then hand him a cup with a dose of the pain potion.

"Severus said this would affect you quickly. So, once you start feeling the effects, we will apply the medicine," He nods and downs the liquid quickly. The change in him is almost instant. His eyelids start to droop and I can tell he's having difficulty even raising his head.

"Wow, Snape is a genius. This stuff is great," He's grinning stupidly as he says it.

"Yes, well, let's get this medicine on you, then you can sleep," I can see he is in no condition to apply it himself, so I start with the three sets of teeth marks on his legs that were deep enough to bleed. He starts babbling as I'm meticulously applying the salve and trying very hard not to think about who I'm touching and where.

"Ahhhh, feels so good. You have such soft hands, Lucius. Wish my legs weren't so ugly, but if they weren't, you wouldn't be touching them, so maybe it's ok," Severus did _not_ tell me the potion would cause the boy to ramble nonsense.

"Your legs are not ugly, Harry. I do wish they weren't littered with Draco's bite marks, but they are not unattractive, even now," He moans again, but it's louder and a little needier. I'm working on the last bite mark, the one closest to his groin, when he starts talking again.

"Kinda glad he cursed me right now," Though I'd like for him to say why, I'm glad he doesn't. He goes quiet again as I begin working on his chest, but it doesn't last long.

"I love your hands on my chest. I always knew you'd touch me tenderly, or is that only because I'm hurt? I bet you can be rough too, can't you? I like it rough sometimes, not as rough as Draco likes, but still..." It's just the potion making him say such things, I know that, but that doesn't keep my body from reacting. I finish his front as quickly as I can.

"Ok, Harry, roll over and I'll finish and you can get some rest," He chuckles a little as he turns onto his stomach.

"I'll roll over for you anytime, Lucius. Wish my body wasn't defective right now, then you could see how much I want to roll over for you," He's getting bolder every second. As soon as he's on his stomach, his hips pushing rhythmically into the mattress, I hurriedly treat the cuts on his back. I can't stand this much longer.

"You could sleep with me tonight, if you want. I can't… I mean certain parts of me aren't working, but I could still…" I cannot let him finish that sentence.

"Harry, I would never take advantage of you like that. I'm almost done, and then I'll go to my own rooms. Just be as still as you can, please."

"You wouldn't be taking advantage of me, I'm completely willing. I _want _you to -"

"All done! There should be a noticeable difference by morning," I quickly cap the jar and set it on his table, "I'll see you tomorrow, Harry."

Once again, he reaches out and squeezes my hand three times, but he doesn't let go like he has before.

"I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, Lucius. I'm sorry if I've upset you. It's just that, well, you are a very handsome man and I've been lonely for so long -"

"Harry, you haven't upset me. If you still feel like discussing this in the morning, we'll talk. Right now, though, you should rest," I want him, but not like this. Not with a potion causing him to feel like this, and not when I can't ensure his pleasure as well. I'm waiting for him to argue with me, hoping - just a little - that he will, when I hear his first tiny snore. I cover him and quietly leave his room. I need a cold shower and a stiff drink.


	8. Chapter 8

It has been almost two weeks since Draco left, and Harry is doing much better. He is completely healed and some of his lighter scars are already starting to fade. He doesn't stay cooped up in his rooms like he used to do. He's out and about during the day. He walks around the gardens, or goes flying. He joins me for every meal and eats heartily. We've spent several quiet days in the library reading or playing chess. He's even started joining me for a drink after dinner again.

We've received multiple letters from Draco, but Harry still doesn't read them. He knows where they are and that he has my full permission to open that drawer of my desk, but he doesn't. The first several were full of venom for Harry and hatred for myself. It didn't take long for the tearful and heart wrenching apologies to start. He stopped blaming Harry for his supposed indiscretions and admitted that he may have caused their problems himself. Now, he mostly just begs for Harry to talk to him. He promises to seek help, if Harry will just let him know he still has a reason to _want_ to get better.

I'm glad Harry is still refusing to speak with him. Draco needs to want to make the changes for himself and not for Harry. His recovery should not be contingent on the status of their relationship. The only way he will fully recover is if he makes the first step entirely on his own. I miss my son terribly, but I'm enjoying my time with Harry immensely.

The morning after the 'potion incident' Harry apologized to me for his behavior and blamed it all on the medicine. I let him. It was much easier than the alternative. I did not wish to confess my sins and it didn't seem as if he wanted me to do so. Still, there are moments when the air between us is so thick that it almost chokes me.

Most often that happens when he brings me his scar diminishing cream and lifts his shirt for me to apply it to his back. He still shivers and sighs at my touch, and for all of his avoidance of discussing _that_ night, he doesn't try to hide his reaction to me. Every single time I'm tempted to let my hands explore further, but I always stop short of venturing past the skin he has revealed to me. Sometimes I'll catch a glimpse of something resembling disappointment on his face before he smiles and thanks me.

He's late for breakfast this morning and I'm just about to send Pippi up to retrieve him when he bursts through the dining room door with a toothy grin and a blush. He looks like -

"Lucius! It worked! Your counter spell worked!" Yes, that's it, he looks relieved and quite sated. That would explain his tardiness.

"Ah, well, I'm glad to hear that. You sound disbelieving, did you not think I would be successful?" So many possibilities are prancing through my head, none of them appropriate.

"No, I knew you could do it, it's just been so damned _long_," He's been lonely, isn't that what he said?

"I expect you'll be venturing out soon then?" Surely he'll want to look for someone with whom to… _celebrate._

"Why would I do that? Wait… Are you… Do you want me to leave? Did you want me to move out? Oh, of course you do, Draco is probably ready to come home and he can't do that if I'm here," He's panicking a little and I get a rare chance to see exactly how much he has come to like being here with me.

"No, I do not wish for you to leave, Harry. I told you before that you are welcome here as long as you would like to stay, that has not and will not change. I just thought you might like to find a… companion, if only for a night," His eyes widen in understanding, but he smiles and shakes his head.

"I don't do one night stands, Lucius. Or, at least, the idea doesn't appeal to me, I don't really know _what_ I do or don't do. Draco was my first and only, so I figure I have a lot to learn about myself. Either way, I don't want to bring a stranger to my bed or join one in his," He gives me a meaningful look, but I choose to ignore it for the time being.

"I see," I turn my attention to the food in front of me.

"I thought you might want to… I mean, maybe _we_ could celebrate," My head jerks up and he hurries to continue, "I just mean that maybe we could have a pajama dinner again. I really liked that, but I thought this time we could eat in your bed," He finishes in almost a whisper and nervousness is pouring off him in waves.

"That sounds," _fantastic, amazing, wonderful, enticing, erotic_ "…acceptable. I would be agreeable to another pajama dinner, as you call it." He smiles like a child that's just been handed a tasty treat.

"Great! I was thinking I'd go for a fly after breakfast and then read in my room after lunch," His face flushes when he says the last part and I know he has no intention of _just_ reading. I don't blame him though, if I had just rediscovered the ability to please myself after three years, I might spend days doing just that.

The rest of my day goes by fairly fast. I see little of Harry, but that isn't surprising. Neither is the fact that I spend a lot of my time thinking about our dinner tonight. Harry has never been inside my bedroom, much less in my bed. The thought pleases me and scares me at the same time. I know we are just having dinner, but I'm starting to seriously think he might want more. Now that I know he could enjoy it as well, I don't think I would turn him away.

I'm just buttoning my pajama shirt when Pippi pops in with another letter from Draco. I almost drop it on my nightstand to read later, but decide against it. It's not quite as thick as the others have been, that and the fact that it is addressed to both of us draws my interest. I open it to discover two pieces of parchment, one with Harry's name and one with mine.

This is the first correspondence he has sent intended for myself. I sit on my bed and begin to read the one that was labeled for me:

_Dear Father,_

_Though I know you will not believe me, I want to say that I am truly sorry. I know that you feel things for Harry that go beyond friendship, but I also know that you did not betray me. I'm sorry for laying the blame for my failed relationship at your feet._

_I know now that I drove Harry away. I used him and hurt him in ways you can't even imagine, and I did it without thought for anyone but myself. I still hope that we will be able to reconcile, but I know that may be a long time in coming. Please keep him safe for me until then?_

_I'm not asking you to lock him up and throw away the key, Merlin knows I tried to do that, but let him know that the Manor is his home as well. Thank you for saving him from me. I don't know that I would have stopped and I dread to think what might have happened to him, what _I_ might have done to him._

_I hope he doesn't, but if he chooses to move on, allow him that as well. I cannot be what he needs or deserves right now, and I do not wish to deny him any chance at happiness. I love him, and if I have to let him go to prove that, then so be it._

_I love you as well, father. I hope you know that. I'm leaving tomorrow and I'm not sure how long I'll be away, but Severus will be able to reach me should you need him to. I'm going to concentrate on myself for a while and figure out how to be the person I want to be. I hope that I will still have a home when I return. More than that, however, I hope to return to a father who still loves me and a Harry that will at least talk to me._

_Love,_

_Your Dearest Little Dragon._

The tears welling in my eyes begin to fall when I see the way he's signed the letter. It is a nickname he used to hate, one that I haven't used in years. I cannot let this go unanswered, not when I know that he's _finally_ agreed to go to the clinic Severus has been pushing since the beginning of this mess. I'm composing my reply when Harry knocks at my door.

"Come in, Harry," His pajamas are black silk this time and I think they may look better on him than the green ones. I don't spend a lot of time studying him, though. It was painful to have Draco so calmly call me out on how I feel about Harry and I've decided not to hurt my son any farther. If Draco returns to find Harry in a relationship, it _cannot_ be with me.

"Did he send another one?" He's noticed the parchment, still laying on my bed, that has his named on it. He's tracing the letters with one finger, and I know - just like every other time - that he's itching to pick it up and read it.

"Yes, and I feel that you should read this one, Harry."

"Is it different than the rest?"

"Yes," He nods and picks the parchment up with shaking hands. It takes him only a few minutes to read his. Once he's finished with it, he lets it fall from his hand and whispers one word before it hits the carpet.

"_Incendio_."

"Harry-"

"No, Lucius. He can't expect me to forgive everything just because he's realized what he put me through was wrong. One of these days, I'll think about forgiving him, but not now. I will not be waiting for him, and I will not be going back to him, _ever. _Are you almost finished with that? I'm kind of hungry and I'd like to get on with the celebrating," I let him change the subject and quickly finish my letter. When Pippi pops in with our food moments later, I hand her the envelope to have it delivered.

Harry didn't wait for an invitation, he's sitting directly in the middle of my bed smiling at me. Once again, I feel as if he should look out of place, but he doesn't. How will I ever keep my secret promise to Draco with him looking at me like that?

I join him on the bed and he, again, squeezes my hand three times as he turns to face me.

"Will you please tell me why you keep doing that?" He laughs and hands me my plate.

"Not yet. Maybe soon, though," I'll let him keep his secret for a while longer even though it's driving me crazy.

"Harry, can we play your game again?" I may not want to be the one he talks to, but he needs to get it out, and I'm the only one here.

"We could, but that's not really what you want, is it?" When did he learn to see through me so well?

"No, not really. You've told me a little, Harry, but I know there's more. I think it's important for you to let go of it. In order for you to do that, I really believe you need to get it all out of your head. Tell it all and leave nothing out," He's using his fork to swirl his food around on his plate and he won't look at me.

"Are you sure you want to hear?" Not at all.

"Absolutely."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I've had a few people, on a couple sites, ask about Harry's friends. I've kept quiet on the topic thus far, simply because it wasn't time. This is Harry and Lucius' story, as Lucius sees it, and Harry's friends have had no part in it so far. The loss of Harry's friends was part of Harry and Draco's story and now you're going to get to hear it.**

He lays his fork on his plate and fixes his eyes on a spot somewhere above my head as he begins to speak:

"I've told you that we started having sex before the end of the war, what I didn't tell you is that it started much like it ended. It was always violent. We'd start with our fists and we never kissed. It was just as much my fault as it was his back then. There was so much death, so much hatred around us, and we used each other as an outlet for everything that built up inside of us.

"I don't know that I would have come out of it all sane if I he hadn't been there. You'd think that, with everything that was going on, we would have wanted a reprieve from it, but we drowned each other in it. It was what we both needed, and I don't blame him or myself for that.

"Then, the war ended and it was several weeks before I saw him again. We were at some Ministry function or another - most likely in my honor - and when our eyes met, I knew he'd come looking for me later. He knocked on my door at about two o'clock in the morning. We were both sloshed, but when he tried to hit me, I stopped him. I made him kiss me, I made him go slowly. There was no need to hurry, no need for anger - it was over. The war was over and I just wanted someone to love me. I needed someone to want Harry and not the fucking hero they all thought I was.

"I wasn't a saint to Draco, though. To him I was just a boy who got lucky a few times. He was the only person who saw me for what I was. So, I forced him to make love to me. He left almost immediately afterward and swore he'd never come back. He was lying, and we both knew it.

"The next time, he didn't even raise a hand to me, and he fell asleep when we were done. He pretty much became a permanent fixture in my life after that. He was there most nights and he was there most mornings. I lost most of my friends because of him. Everyone except Hermione turned their back on me. They told me he wasn't good enough for me. That he'd just hurt me. How could I tell them that he _had_ hurt me, and it had been perfect? So, I let them all leave, even Ron. I didn't need them if I had him. Hermione stood by me for years, but I'll get to her in a minute.

"With hardly anyone else left in my life, I devoted every free moment to whisky. When I started Auror training, he had a fit. Even now, though, I can't fault him for that. It wasn't what I wanted, and he knew it. I was doing what everyone expected of me. During the day I was Harry the Hero, Harry the Saint, Harry the Savior, but at night, I was Harry the Drunk.

"He was there for me through it all, the drunken rages, the nights hovering over the toilet, and the morning hangovers. When the Daily Prophet started printing the 'Fallen Angel' pieces that detailed my slow decline, he protected me from that. He wouldn't let a reporter anywhere near me, he even hexed Rita Skeeter once. He kept me sheltered from the real world and let me live in my own.

"Then, when the alcohol started to get the best of me, when I realized I couldn't go on like that, he saved me again. He held me and made love to me. He distracted me anyway he could from the burning need to leave it all behind. Soon enough, it wasn't the drink I craved, it was him.

"That was how I lost Hermione. When you sent notice that Narcissa was deathly ill, he begged me to move home with him. I told him no so many times in only a few days, but he kept asking. We had a huge row and ended up beating the crap out of each other. Then he told me he loved me, told me he needed me, and made love to me like he never had before. I agreed to move home with him.

"I went in the next day and told the Minister that I would not be completing my training and I had no desire to jump at his command any longer - not that I was that useful to him by that point anyway. I was gathering my things from the training room when Hermione burst in. She was sure that I was giving up everything I wanted in life for Draco. She was _so_ sure that he was ruining my life. I tried to tell her nicely, I tried to make her see, but she wouldn't listen to me. Finally, I told her to fuck off. I'll never forget the look on her face when I talked to her like that. She told me she loved me, but that she couldn't watch me throw my whole life away for Draco. She said she'd be there for me when I came to my senses.

"I let her leave. I let her walk out of that room and my life. Sometimes I think that if I'd just apologized, if I'd just begged her to stand by me, I wouldn't have ended up like I did. But, at that point, I had no reason to leave him. As bad as it may have started, and as horrible as it may have gotten at the end, there _was_ a time when we were happy. There _was_ a time when he loved me and took care of me. Sure, he got a little riled up if another guy looked at me, but I was his boyfriend. That was normal, right?

"It wasn't until after we moved here that he started wanting 'more' from me. I'll never forget the first time he cut me. He numbed a small spot on my back without me knowing it. I was horrified when he rolled off of me and his chest was covered in blood. At first I thought it was his, then I felt it trickling down my own back. I punched him for it. At that point, I was still in a position to fight back. I did the first few times, too. Then he started trying to guilt me into it. He'd throw everything he'd ever done for me up in my face and I could never deny that he was right. I owed him something, I just didn't realize he would try to take my very soul. I gave in and let him cut me, but I made him promise to dull the pain. He agreed without argument, and the blood letting began.

"When Narcissa died, things went from bad to worse. Every time I'd spend time with you, anytime I spent more than two minutes in your presence, he would get agitated. You can imagine how bad he got when I started spending so much time with you after dinner. But, I didn't care, he was going to cut me anyway, and I enjoyed being with you. My life was pretty insane by then, I never knew what to expect from him, and you were my constant. I always knew you'd greet me with a smile and I could count on your kindness.

"Do you know why I never wanted to discuss what was going on with your son? I didn't want to let him leak into the one good thing I had. I'd found someone who wouldn't turn away from me because of him, and I didn't want to fuck that up by talking about him all the time.

"He started to accuse me of being in love with you. He started to make comments about your intentions toward me. He was paranoid and thought we were trying to make a fool out of him. He tried to convince me to move out, but I was firm. It was the only thing I would stand up to him for, and it drove him insane. It convinced him even more that there was something going on, but I didn't care. I had something good and I refused to give it up.

"Anyway, you pretty much know the rest, I made a stupid comment and he punished me for it. I stayed and he used me. He started cutting me more often and without a spell to block the pain. He stopped healing my wounds. He made me stop seeing you, stop talking to you, and he tied me to the bed at night so I couldn't sneak to your room. I won't get into all the physical damage done, because it truly doesn't matter and I won't burden you with even more knowledge of your son's deviant behavior. What I will tell you though, is that I had made up my mind to leave the day you came in to talk to me. I… I saw it as a sign when I opened that door and you were on the other side. My decision to leave was forgotten and I allowed you to rescue me."

He takes several deep breaths and meets my eyes for the first time since he started speaking. I don't say anything, because I'm not sure what _to_ say. I want to apologize to him, but I've done that so many times, and I don't think it's my apology he needs anymore.

Our food has long since gone cold and I don't complain when he sets both our plates on the serving stand and calls for Pippi to take it away. I'm surprised when he returns to the bed and takes one of my hands into his.

"That's the story as Draco knows it. Most of it is true, hell, I guess all of it is true, but I've left out important information. I've left out everything that makes me guilty as well. I haven't told you the parts that make it hard to blame Draco completely. Do you want to hear that, Lucius? You said you wanted to hear it all, should I tell you the parts that even he doesn't know?" My mind is screaming 'NO!' but my head nods. I know he's going to tell me something that will change everything, but I need to know.

"He wasn't wrong. Every time he accused of loving you, I lied to him. I fell for you shortly after your wife passed, but held back. You were grieving and Draco needed me. How could I leave him when his mother had just died? What kind of person would I have been to tell you how I felt? You were the reason I didn't leave before he cursed me, and you were the reason I stayed after. You wanted to know what the hand squeezes were about? That was it… I… love… you," He gives my hand a squeeze for every word. Through his entire confession his eyes haven't strayed from my face and I feel trapped. I just swore to myself not even two hours ago to give up all hope for this boy, and now this.

It's too much, to think he's loved me longer than I've loved him, I can't breathe. I can't think. I want him to touch me, but he seems content to just wait. He's letting me process what he's just told me. He's giving me time to think back over the course of our relationship and pick out the moments I might have noticed what was happening, if I'd only paid attention. There are many, even more in the past two weeks.

"Harry-" There must be some emotion there that betrays me, either in my eyes or voice. My next words were to be 'we can't', but he doesn't let them leave my mouth. It would have been nothing but a weak denial anyway.

"Lucius, you don't have to say anything right now, or ever, if that's what you want. I'm ok with things how they are. I'm not pushing you for anything, I just wanted you to know that Draco wasn't imagining things and he was right to feel like he did. I was trying to give you a little peace of mind where he's concerned. I'm sorry if I've made this uncomfortable for you. I'll just go back to my rooms, and you can handle this however you want. If you want me to leave, I'll do so immediately, just send one of the elves in to let me know. If you want to pretend I never said anything, I can do that too," By the time he's done talking, he's opening my door.

I let him leave simply because I can't find the words to ask him to stay. I wonder why he's only considered those two courses of action? What if I don't want him to leave _and _I don't want to forget what he's told me? It seems as if I have a confession of my own to make and I hope he won't think any less of me after I've done so.

**A/N: Don't hate me for the fluffiness of the hand squeezing. It's something my husband and I do. I couldn't help but give Harry a way to tell Lucius how he felt even if the other man didn't understand. Sorry!**


	10. Chapter 10

I do not hesitate to go directly to Harry's door once I've decided to follow this probable path to hell. I knock, but do not give him a chance to invite me in. He's packing, slowly and methodically, almost dazedly.

"Harry, I'd like to talk to you," He jerks as if I've startled him, but he doesn't look at me.

"Oh! Sorry, I thought you were an elf, that's crazy though. They wouldn't knock, would they?" He's still folding clothes and putting them neatly into a duffel bag.

"No, Harry, please stop."

"I'm just… It'll only take a few more minutes and I'll be ready to go. Hopefully Molly will let me stay with them, that's what I'm counting on anyway. If not, I'll figure something out. If nothing else, I'll get a room at the Leaky-"

"_Harry_, stop packing, you aren't going anywhere unless you want to," He's hands still momentarily, and that is the only indication that he hears me.

"No, I won't even bother Molly, I'll just got straight to Gring-"

The word is cut off by a gasp when my hand closes over his. His body is completely rigid as I firmly squeeze his hand three times. For several tense moments the only sound in the room is his harsh panting. He's terrified, but he hasn't moved away from me.

He doesn't say anything as I wrap my other arm around him and grasp his other hand, but his body loosens just a little. Once I have both of his hands in mine, our fingers entwined, I slowly pull him into me. I'm hyper-aware of every point of connection between us; our hands, his back against my chest, my hips pressing into the small of his back, his arse against the top of my thighs, his head when he finally lets it fall back to rest in the space between my shoulder and collar bone. He finally breaks the silence with one word that drips with need.

"_Lucius_," It's breathy, almost a moan, and it's exactly how I've longed to hear him say my name. I don't answer because, though there are things we need to talk about, words have no place here, not right now.

I pull him up to his full height so that our bodies are better aligned and hear myself moan when the action drags him, ever so slightly, up my hardening length. I'd like to kiss him, but I don't want to risk breaking this spell, so I settle for pulling his ear lobe into my mouth tenderly. I've wanted to taste him for so very long, and I'm not disappointed. He is divine and his reaction is even more so.

His hands tighten around my fingers, his body pushes even further into mine, and I feel his heart accelerate. I let my mouth move from his ear to the inviting skin of his neck. I want to nip at him, but I'm not sure how that would be received, so I kiss and lick him instead. With every press of my lips and stroke of my tongue, he bows into me and every other breath that comes out carries a hint of my name.

I start to move our hands over his body, I want to feel him, but I don't want to let go of his hands or scare him. So, I use his palms and my fingertips to map out the well-defined muscles of his chest. I move lower and I feel his stomach quiver. That tiny, involuntary reaction causes me to thrust into him and everything shifts. He stops responding to me and begins to take control of our movements.

When our hands reach the hem of his shirt, he guides me under it and leaves me there to explore as his arms come up and around my neck. He tilts his head to give me better access to his neck and begins to work on the tie holding my hair in place. It comes loose and his fingers twist into my hair just as my thumbs slide over his nipples. He arches and hisses loudly.

"_Yes_," One word, three letters, but it's all I need. I spin him around, intent on devouring his mouth, but stop as our eyes meet. I'm frozen, captivated by the love and trust swirling in the almost black depths. One of his hands untangles from my hair and cups my cheek. He runs his thumb over my bottom lip and grins a little when my tongue snakes out to taste him. His eyes dart down to my mouth and he pulls his lower lip in between his teeth. He worries it for just a moment, then looks into my eyes again as he releases it and moves forward. He moves so slowly, as if I might disappear or run, if he goes too fast.

The first touch of his mouth is sweet and tentative, a tiny kiss, then another. He pulls back slightly and his breath caresses my lips. I'm confused for a second before I realize that he's waiting for me. He made the first move, but he wants me to take it all the way. Another chance, a chance to walk away, forget his happened, pretend there's nothing here. Yes, he's waiting for me to kiss him, but he's also offering that. He knows as well as I do that once we've opened these floodgates, there's no going back.

My fingers grip the damp skin of his back as I pull him even closer. Our breath mingles between us. Our hearts beat against each other through muscle, bone, and skin. It feels like the end and the beginning. It feels like _everything_.

I lower my mouth to his and as soon as our lips touch, his tongue presses against mine. He's eager and patient. He's demanding and docile. He's slow and fast. He's an enigma. How he can be so many opposing things at once is amazing.

My tongue slides alongside his as I map out his mouth. I trace teeth, gums, the roof of his mouth, desperate to have all of him. I'm moving slowly, but when his fingers tighten in my hair, I relinquish control and he attacks my mouth. He's pouring years' worth of pent up desire into me and I feel as if I could drown in it. I let him have his way with me until he pulls back to breathe. He rests his head on my shoulder and I bury my nose in his hair and inhale him as deeply as I can.

"Lucius, I want you, I _really_ do, but-"

"It's too soon," I guess it really is. He's just come out a of a horrible relationship. We've only just admitted to each other how we feel. There are so many reasons we shouldn't do this now or _ever_.

"NO! I mean… it's not too soon. This has been a long time coming. It's just that I don't feel… right about this happening _here_," I look around the room, take in the sight of my wife's curtains, her bed, her dresser, a closet that still holds some of her clothing, and I feel horrible for having put him in this situation.

"Oh, Harry. I'm so sorry. I was only thinking about having you close, I didn't mean to…" He raises his head and looks me in the eye.

"I'm not jealous, Lucius. I don't even really mind sleeping here. I'd just rather not disrespect Narcissa by making love in her room, on her _bed. _I'd feel the same way if we were in-" I cut him off. It's bad enough that my wife's name has entered this conversation, I don't want my son's cropping up.

"I understand, but perhaps we should wait," He starts to protest, but I silence him with a quick kiss, "Just for a while. Let's enjoy this, Harry. Let's take this slowly, the journey can be just as fantastic as the destination."

He doesn't look convinced, but he nods his agreement all the same. I pull back slightly and bring one arm up and out of his shirt. I gently trail one finger down the side of his face and stop just under his chin. I use it to pull his mouth to mine again. I kiss him once more, a tender sweep of lips and a slight brush of tongues. I don't let it become heated, I pull away before I can get caught up in the taste of him.

"How would you like to have some desert? We barely ate earlier and I know for a fact that Pippi made a delicious cherry pie," He's still flushed from our kiss and I can tell he wants to argue, but to his credit he doesn't.

"Sure, did you want to go back to your rooms?" There's a mischievous glint in his eye and I shake my head.

"I was thinking we could take it in my study and follow it with a little scotch," Not too much, though.

"Sounds great, just let me… Shit, go away for a minute, ok? I'm like a bloody horny teenager again and if you don't give me a few minutes alone, I won't be able to concentrate on anything but what's going on downstairs," He nods toward his crotch, which isn't quite touching me and grins sheepishly. Merlin, how I want to offer my assistance regardless of my earlier decision.

I untangle myself from him and take the hair tie still clutched in one of his hands. I reach up to tie my hair back, but he stops me. He runs his hands through my hair, pulling some of it around to rest on my chest, and sighs.

"Could you leave it down? Just for now. I love your hair, you don't know how many times I had to stop myself from freeing it. I think I've always liked it. It seemed so out of place on the man I used to think you were. I remember imagining how soft and silky it would feel when I was just a kid. You seemed so hard and vile, but your hair was always so… beautiful."

I smile at him and place the tie in my pocket. I'm rewarded with a bright smile before he ushers me out of the room.

"Go, I'll be down shortly."

"Don't be long," I give him a knowing smile and step into the hallway.

"Oh, don't worry, I won't, trust me," When he closes the door, I finally let myself fully relax. I collapse against the wall and take a few steadying breaths. I shouldn't be able to, but I swear I can hear his zipper as he lowers it. I push away from the wall and head toward my study before I can convince myself that eavesdropping on him is perfectly acceptable.

**A/N: So, I hope you liked. I'm kind of anxious to see how you feel about this. I decided not to throw them onto the nearest bed though the temptation was to do so was almost unbearable. I haven't actually decided whether I'll even write the lemon for this story yet. It will be difficult to do it justice. It will need to be full of emotion and I'm not sure I'm up to the task of doing it properly without it being too fluffy or bodice ripper-ish. Anyway, let me know what ya think! All my love to each of you!**


	11. Chapter 11

I'm staring into the fire when Pippi pops in with two plates full of cherry pie and two glasses of milk. This is exactly the reason I have such a soft spot for this particular elf. I didn't ask for milk, I likely won't drink it, but she knows how I love it, and she brought it without being asked. For any other elf that's as much a crime as _not_ following an order. Not for her, though, she is intent on caring for her master, enough so, that she will risk punishment to do it.

"Thank you, Pippi, that will be all."

"It is Pippi's pleasure, Master," She dips once, in a strangely grotesque elfish curtsey before disappearing.

I'm left alone to contemplate the predicament I've created for myself. I won't, _can't_, pass up this wonderful chance to have something I've wanted for so long. On the other hand, I will certainly lose my son when he finds out. He may be willing to allow Harry to find happiness, he may be willing to lose Harry if he must, but not to me.

Am I so far gone that I will sacrifice Draco's love for Harry's? The answer to that question scares me. The answer is, unequivocally, yes. What kind of man - _father_ - am I that I will cast aside my own flesh and blood -

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be so long. Oh, the pie's here, brilliant. I'm starving," His flushed face makes me smile. Afterglow looks absolutely delicious on him. I have to wonder if it will be even better when I'm the one who's caused it.

"Tuck in, I'm sure it's fabulous," He shoots me a grin, grabs a plate, and sits in the chair next to mine.

"Mmmm, Merlin, this is heavenly," He closes his eyes as he chews and swallows.

"Indeed," I haven't taken a bite of my pie.

"Have you even tried it?"

"I wasn't talking about the pie."

"I know," There is a charge in the air that has me wondering if he's going to sling the plate aside and attack me. He seems to be considering, but thankfully, turns back to his food.

"If you expect me to be good, you can't _say_ things like that and you definitely can't look at me like _that_."

I just can't help myself, "How am I looking at you, Harry?" I know my voice has taken on a dark, seductive tone. I'm leaning across the arm of my chair, trying to get closer, _needing_ to get closer.

"_Fuck, Lucius,_" He sets his pie on the table between us with a shaking hand and clasps his hands together in his lap, "You know what you're doing. I'm usually all for teasing, but not right now, ok? It's been…"

"Too long," I finish his sentence and feel just a little like the bastard that I am, "I'm sorry, Harry, I wasn't thinking."

"No, it's ok, I just feel like a teenager with all these bloody hormones and _urges_. What's worse though, is that I'm _not_ and I _know_ what I've been missing and it sucks_. _It all fucking _sucks.," _He finishes his rant with a growl and his hands ball into fists that swipe tears of frustration from his face.

"Harry, I'm truly very sorry," I'd like to open my arms to him and offer him some comfort. I don't. It won't end there and the comfort he might gain from it would be fleeting. "I promise the side effects will not last much longer. Perhaps, though, we should consider finding someone you can speak with about everything. Someone who isn't knit so tightly into the situation, someone who can be unbiased."

I know his tears aren't solely caused by his sexual irritation. His time with those nasty muggles. The war. The expectations of the wizarding world. His past issues with alcohol. The hellish years with Draco. All of that has taken its toll on him. It's too much for any one person to have to shoulder.

He takes a shuddering breath and nods his head. He visibly recomposes himself. He slowly leans back into the chair. His fists begin to relax. The hard line of his mouth softens. His legs stretch and his shoulders sag just a little. He finally exhales and turns to look at me.

"It's not you, you know that, right? Sometimes it all just seems like too much and I just want to scream. That doesn't usually happen when I'm with you, though. I usually feel more in control and calmer when you're around. It's just been a draining night, I guess."

"It's understandable, Harry. We'll look into finding a professional tomorrow."

"No, as embarrassing as it is to discuss this with someone I know, it would be worse to talk to a stranger. I'll go to the same person I always do. I just hope she was serious when she said she'd be there for me."

"Granger? Harry, you can't be serious. You need someone qualified to-"

"To what, Lucius? Pick apart my brain and tell me how fucked up I am? Prescribe some kind of medication that will make me listless, lethargic, and as impotent as I was yesterday? No, thanks. Hermione has a way of making me see things. She doesn't pull me apart like the quack jobs I've been to before, she puts me back together. She doesn't pat my head and tell me it will be okay, she tells me like it is and holds my hand when it's too much to bear. Man, I didn't realize how much I've missed her. I don't need _help_, I need a friend."

"I won't argue with you, for now, I just hope you're right."

"Lucius, trust me, Hermione is the best thing for me right now, aside from you, of course. I think you are the very _best_ thing for me," Not by a long shot, but I wish I was.

"Harry, I'm probably the worst person in this entire world for you right now, or ever," I think about Draco, and it warms me, just a little, to think that maybe I'm not the _very_ worst.

"No, you're not. I see you, Lucius. Believe it or not, I _know_ you, and I like you. Hell, I _love_ you. I know you aren't a saint, but you're _my _savior. You were saving me before you even knew it. Then, you showed up to do it physically. Yeah, there are some things in your past that would curdle my blood, I'm sure, but I'm not worried about your past. What matters is who you are _now_," That's what he thinks, and it's very Gryffindor of him, but if he only knew…

"I've killed people. I've killed adults and children alike and never batted an eye. I did anything and everything He asked of me, and then some if I thought it would keep me - and my family - in His good graces. I willingly sent Ginerva to what I thought would be her death. I did it because it would win me His favor. I'm not a good man, Harry. I don't live by the rules of society and it wasn't just because of Him. I would, this very night, strike down anyone who threatened me or the people I love. I do what I have to and I don't have a care for the causalities. I'm the same person now as I was then. I'll still be this way fifty years from now."

It's the truth and it may hurt him, or send him running, but it had to be said. He needs to know exactly what he's getting into and with whom. He has an illusion of me that must be shattered. If we are to embark on this journey, if we are to have anything of value, it can't start with starry-eyed, childish fascination. He must know what I'm capable of and love me anyway. In spite of it or because of it, that doesn't really matter, I just want no blinders or half-truths.

"You think I don't know? You really think I haven't a clue? The girl, Lucius, the half blood girl? The one you tortured just outside of Loughton? She was seven, brown hair, blue eyes, terror written all over her face even in death. I carried her back to her parents, listened to them scream and cry, listened to their demands for justice. Oh, I _know_. I know and I've come to terms with it. You did what you had to do to save your family. I did the same. We were on opposite sides of the war, but we're not that different. I've killed people too, usually on some else's orders and only those affiliated with Death Eaters, but a life is a life, is it not? What matters to _me_ is that when I came for you, when I offered you, Narcissa, and Draco asylum, you accepted. You came with me and because of that, we won - because of that, _I lived. _I love you, Lucius Malfoy, and nothing you say will change that. Stop trying to scare me away, if that was going to work, I wouldn't have come here in the first place."

My first thought is to apologize to him for the girl. Cynthia, that was her name, and I sometimes still hear her screams. She was the youngest and most memorable. I wasn't aware that he knew it was I who tortured and killed the girl. Like the rest, she was marked for death and my denial to follow orders would have resulted in my own,. Though she haunts me, she is just another name on a list of people who unwillingly laid down their lives for the sake of my family. He is wrong about one thing though…

"We are not alike, Harry. You did what you did for the sake of the world. My actions, even the night I accepted your offer, were selfish."

"I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I didn't do it to save the world. I did it to avenge my parents, and I didn't stop with Him. Greyback, Bellatrix, and McNair? They all died after the fact, they all died in an explosion shortly before they were to be apprehended. Surely you remember that?" He's not saying what I think he's saying.

"Harry?"

"It was for Bill, Sirius, and Ginny. Vengeance is very sweet indeed. You see? We're not that different. I didn't get the chance to protect my family and friends, but if I had, no cost would have been too high."

It's in this moment that I realize he is no longer a child. Funny that I have been thinking of him as a boy all this time anyway. He's the same age as my son, but years wiser. He knows the world is covered in shades of grey and that, in order to survive and remain sane, one must sometimes walk in the shadows.

**A/N: Don't hate Lucius after this, please? I wanted some dark, angsty, half-fluff. Is that even possible? Who better to try for that with than Lucius? Anyway, I didn't want you all thinking that Lucius had suddenly gone horribly soft. He is still a bastard, but he's a bastard that loves Harry, so that redeems him a little, right? Buckets of love until next time...**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Sorry this took so long, guys. I am experiencing a slight case of writer's block, but I'm trudging through, so hopefully I can work past it. Anyway, this chapter was writen under duress - inflicted _by_ myself _upon_ myself - so I hope it isn't too horrible.**

"Good morning, Harry," He almost stumbles into the dining room, but despite his grogginess, gives me a bright smile.

"Good morning, Lucius," He takes his seat and mumbles wordless appreciation for the food that's already on his plate. He definitely isn't a morning person, but I've noticed over the years that breakfast is his favorite meal.

"I trust you slept well?" If I didn't know that he wakes up in this manner every morning, I might think otherwise.

"Yeah, could have slept better if-"

"I'll thank you to _not_ finish that thought," I'm sure it was to be some reference to what we _didn't_ do last night. I don't need a verbal reminder of that, the slight ache in my groin is enough.

"Hey, you don't even know what I was going to say," He tries to sound indignant at my assumption, but it just comes out slightly whiny.

"I can hazard a guess, and I'd wager that you weren't going to complain about the softness of the sheets," I let him see just a little of the grin that I'm trying to stifle.

"Fine, you're right. I just don't understand why we have to wait. What are we waiting for?"

It's a good question, one that I've been asking myself for the past three days. We've shared a few kisses, none like our first though. I've tried to keep him at arm's length for several reasons. I share one of them with him, but it isn't what's really driving me.

"Have you contacted Miss Granger?" I would like for him to speak with her first. I'd _like_ for him to speak with _Draco_ first. I'd like to know that whatever feelings they may still have are resolved before I venture any farther with him. It would be hard, but I could still walk away. At this point, I could still let them be happy together, should they both want that.

It's not what I _want_, and it would hurt, but everything would be less complicated if Harry did still love my son. I'm scared to lose Draco, but I'm even more terrified of losing them both if I push this too far and it's not really what Harry wants.

"It's actually _Mrs._ Weasley now. She married George a couple years after the war. Yeah, I'll send her an owl today. So…" He reaches over to run his finger up and down the back of my hand. Why must he tempt me so?

"Good, I spoke with Severus yesterday, it seems that Draco is doing well. He has started some type of rehabilitation that combines muggle and magical techniques for healing. He has been working with someone to discover the reason for his decline. He is hoping to be able to visit soon, if only for the day," He jerks his hand away and looks at me accusingly.

No, I did not want to mention Draco, but it had to be done. As much as I'd like to, we cannot ignore the way we came to be in this situation. If Draco was only an ex-lover…but he is not. He is my son and I must do anything I can to keep him in my life - to keep _both_ of them in my life. I would not turn Harry back over to him to be mistreated, but if Draco is able to regain control of himself…

"So, that's what this is about? I'm not going back to him, Lucius. If you turn me away right now, I still will not want him. I understand that he's your son, but when he visits, it will be best that we not see each other," He drops his fork and pushes away from the table. I do the same and catch him before he can run and hide.

"Harry, you know that you can't avoid this. At some point you will have to sit down and talk to him. If you do not, you will never be able to move on. He still loves you," It pains me to say, so much that I'm glad he's facing away from me and can't see my face. The emotion must leak into my voice, because his reply is so close to the truth.

"You think that I might still love him too. You think that I'm going back to him if he returns the person he was when we first got together," It isn't a question, but I answer anyway.

"Yes and no," I turn him to face me and tilt his head up so that I can look into his eyes, "I do know that you think that you care about me, Harry. However, I also know that it's a very real possibility that I'm a substitute for what you really want. You _did_ love him, I saw that with my own eyes. That love didn't just disappear, and I'm concerned that it's just waiting to resurface," I release his head and arm, and purposely break eye contact. I hadn't planned on having this conversation this morning and I'm a tad more emotional than I'd intended to be.

"You're afraid, Lucius, not just _concerned_. You want me to face my 'demons' but you can't even admit to feeling fear," He scoffs and steps away from me slightly, "You are scared to death. You're scared that Draco will feel betrayed by our relationship. You're scared to let me too far in because you're convincing yourself that I don't really love you," I don't want to tell him just how right he is, but what choice do I have?

"I believe those are reasonable fears to have, do you not?"

He shakes his head, almost visibly reconsiders, then nods slightly, "One of them is, Draco isn't going to be pleased. The other is just rubbish, but taking everything into account, I can see how you might feel that way. How can I prove myself to you? Loving someone shouldn't be hard, Lucius, it should be the easiest and most natural thing in the world. So how can I make this as easy for you as it is for me?"

I ponder this for a moment. If Harry hadn't been Draco's lover, I wouldn't have hesitated to take him straight to my bed. I wouldn't have denied myself the pleasure of being with him just because he's been hurt or may still love someone else. The problem is that I'm not willing to fight for his affections if my competition is to be my own flesh and blood.

"Speak with Mrs. Weasley. Then, when Draco feels he's ready, speak with him. If you find that you still want to be with him, do so. If not, find some closure, and we will go from there. It isn't loving you that's difficult, Harry. It's the reality that I might lose you _and_ Draco that's worrisome."

He moves toward me until we are breathing the same air, he raises his hand and runs his finger through my hair. He sighs sweetly, sadly and lets his hand drop to my shoulder. His other hand reaches out to grip my hip and gently tugs me closer. He pushes up on his toes to put his forehead against mine and with only a little hesitation I let myself lean into him.

"You won't lose me, Lucius. I'll do what I can to make sure you don't lose him either. There's something I need from you, though," His lips are so very close. I can almost feel them brush against mine as he speaks. It's so tantalizing, having him right _here_ and knowing he's more than willing.

"What do you need, Harry?"

"I need you to stop pushing me away. I understand that you don't want to have a physical relationship yet, but don't hold back when you kiss me. Don't run away from me when I try to touch you. For the past few days, with the exception of the couples kisses I've practically forced on you, you've kept more distance between us than you _ever_ have."

He's correct, of course. I _have_ been distancing myself from him. I've been trying to keep us emotionally separate since our confessions, since I realized that he might actually be mature enough for a _real_ relationship. I don't have to do that, though. We can cultivate and nurture a less conventional friendship, can we not? We can be friends who hug, friends who touch, friends who kiss. Can we be friends who are also in love with each other? Well, it's been done before, hasn't it? I shake my head at the knowledge that I'm growing softer since I've entered this strange land of 'middle age.' Since when does Lucius Malfoy have _friends_? I'll consider that later, right now, I have a tempting set of lips only centimeters from mine.

I capture his mouth and am sure, right away, that the idea of us _ever_ being _just_ friends is ludicrous. He moans when I flick my tongue tenderly over his palate, arches into me when I gently suck his tongue, _grinds_ against me when I nibble his bottom lip. I pull away, leaving us both a little breathless and quite desperate for more.

His eyes plead with me to take him upstairs and ravish him properly in my bed. I consider the idea of throwing him onto the table - still laden with our morning meal - but manage to keep myself from doing either. I draw his head to my chest and carefully separate our lower regions. He doesn't try to regain his position and I'm vastly grateful for that.

"Can I assume that means that you won't be running away from me anymore?" There is a little humor in his voice and I'm glad to hear that it's almost steady as well.

"I think you could safely draw that conclusion."

"Good," He clings to me a moment longer before hugging me tightly and stepping out of my arms. I don't allow myself to miss his warmth, it would do nothing but drive me insane.

"So, it seems I'm in need of some parchment, a quill, ink, and an owl," I silently thank him for changing the subject.

"Right this way, Mr. Potter. I'm sure we'll find everything but the owl in my study." I sweep my arm out in a grand gesture and bow as if I'm merely a servant, I guess when it comes to him, I may be just that. He laughs a little and leads the way.

**A/N: Yeah, I had to do it. I see an abundance of fic where Hermione is with Ron, Charlie, or even Percy (yes, _Percy_!), but never have I encountered someone pairing her with either of the twins (at least not when it wasn't just purely smut). So yeah, George. Anyway, I think we're going to have some Hermione next chapter (albeit very little because this is Lucius' POV) and some more Snape. Soon to come, in the next couple chapters, a visit from Draco. I'll love you forever if you don't hate me for my current updating speed.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Ok, you need to know something before you read this chapter. In my head - for the purpose of this story - Snape never loved Lily as anything more than a friend. So, on to the story...**

"Mr. Malfoy." She nods her head politely, but I can read the distrust in her eyes.

"Mrs. Weasley." I say it just as nicely and allow a little warmth to seep into my voice, "Please come in. I believe Harry is waiting for you in his rooms. I'll show you the way."

I turn, expecting her to follow, instead she places a hand on my arm to stall me.

"Mr. Malfoy, I intend to take Harry with me when I leave here today."

I'm not sure how she expects me to respond to that, nor am I sure how I feel about it. I can't imagine that she will be successful in convincing Harry to leave, but the idea that she _thinks_ she can raises my hackles. I firmly quash my anger and affect a cool and indifferent attitude before facing her.

"Please, call me Lucius. Mrs. Weasley, if Harry feels that it is in his best interests to leave his home, then I wouldn't dream of standing in his way."

"This isn't his _home_, _Lucius_. This place has been nothing but a prison for him. Do not think, for even an instant, that I will support or encourage a reconciliation with Draco."

"It seems, Mrs. Weasley, that we are of the same mindset on at least one point. A relationship between Harry and Draco would not be advisable at this point in time. However, I believe that, upon speaking with Harry, you will discover that he does think of the Manor as home. I am not forcing him to remain here. The time when he would have referred to this place as a 'prison' has passed. Now, if you would kindly follow me, I will take you to Harry."

I turn swiftly and practically stalk toward Harry's rooms. I leave no chance for her to waylay me. I do not wish to engage in further argument with her. It would be pointless. She sees me as the enemy and I don't think that even Harry will be able to change her mind.

Before I can knock, his door swings open and he greets me with a smile, "Lucius, I was just thinking that we should… Hermione!"

He lifts her into a huge hug that has them both giggling with glee at the way he spins her in dramatic circles. I find myself just a little jealous at the zealous way he clings to her. I clear my throat to get their attention. He sits her down quickly and turns to me.

"Should you require me, I will be visiting with Severus for the afternoon." He grabs my hand before I can make a hasty exit.

"Thanks, Lucius." He gives my fingers three quick squeezes and drops my arm. I realize we've been staring into each other's eyes far too long and pull myself away. I catch an odd look on the girl's face as I sweep out of the entryway and quickly make my way to my study and waiting escape route.

X.X

I realize how much I've missed Severus when his silky voice rolls over me as I step out of the green flames.

"Ah, Lucius, good afternoon."

"Hello, Severus." He's sitting in his favorite chair with a cup of tea and a potions journal. He doesn't stand to greet me, but I didn't expect it of him. I take the seat next to him and stare pointedly at the cup in his hand.

"I assume you'd like something to drink? Tea then? Or perhaps something a little stronger?" He quirks his eyebrow slightly, and the action makes him look a few years younger.

"I think I'd like something stronger, but I believe the tea will suffice for the time being." I'd rather not dull my senses around this man, at least not for the conversation that I'm sure is to come.

A wave of his wand produces another tea cup, filled to the brim. I've no doubt that it will be prepared exactly as I like. I'm not disappointed as the hot liquid burns sweetly down my throat.

"So, am I correct in assuming that your home has been invaded by the shrill screams of an overly excited reunion?" He sets the book aside and turns to face me. The man has many faults, but one can never say they feel ignored in his company.

"Indeed it has."

"The Granger girl is it?"

"Yes, but it's Weasley now."

"Ah yes, married one of Arthur and Molly's. I daresay I forgot."

"Yes, the twin, I believe." The _twin_, strange how that word feels odd slipping out without being pluralized. How strange it must be for those closest to him. How painful it must be for the boy himself.

"Yes, yes. Strange that, I'd always assumed she had her eye on the youngest boy. Oh well, destined to be a Weasley, that one." I nod, as if I had opportunity to know firsthand or would have paid any attention if I had.

We lapse into a silence that seems to seep into and out of every corner of the room. There are questions I should ask, but I can't find the compulsion to do so.

"Draco is doing well, Lucius." He knows me so well. I feel a pang that closely resembles regret. How many times, over the years, have I wondered what might have been? How happy might we have been together if not for the demands of my pure blood family? That is not to say I did not love my wife. I loved her very much, but it was never wild or uncontrollable. It was never what I had with Severus.

"So he says. Are you sure, Severus?" I trust his opinion above all others, sometimes even above my own.

"Quite. I'm more concerned with your state of mind." I see that _look_ in his eyes. It's the same one that haunted me each time I suggested he find someone with whom to spend his life. It's a look that says 'there's no one in this world more important to me than you are.' It's a look that has never failed to take my breath, and this time is no exception.

"I'm… maybe not perfect, but surviving. That's what it's all about, right? Survival?"

"Those years are long past, Lucius. Now is the time for _thriving_." He's one to discuss thriving. The man who's locked himself away in a dreary house with not even an elf for company.

"And that's what you're doing, Severus? Thriving?"

"Perhaps not, but I'm also not pining for my child's lover." Too close, too deep, too _true_.

"That you are not. You've just spent the entirety of your life lamenting the loss of your first love." The sharp inhalation makes me aware of the fact that I've broken a silent agreement, one that was formed shortly after the Daily Prophet announced my engagement to the beautiful Narcissa Black.

We'd both known it was coming. She'd been my betrothed since before her birth. I'd never hidden that fact from him. It was the _print_, the black and white proof, that sent him into a mad rage. I'll never forget the staggering amount of blood, tears, and _semen_ we shed and shared that night. I've never been able to clear my mind of the sheer need that shone in his eyes as he took me, hard and unforgiving, for the last time. I've never been able to rid myself of the distraught, damning feeling that weighed heavily in the pit of my stomach as I walked away in the wee hours of the morning - broken heart aching painfully in my chest, but resolved to do my duty as Malfoy heir.

"Severus…" I can read every memory as plainly on his face as I see it playing out in excruciating detail in my mind.

"No, Lucius. You are correct. I fear that I haven't been fair to myself over the years. Not that there was much time for romance." He heaves the long-suffering sigh of a man who has submitted to the demands of those around him far too often, but always with the best of intentions.

"I shouldn't have…"

"No, you _should_ have, maybe long before now. You know, I'm hesitant to admit that I found myself hoping again. Narcissa was beautiful, elegant, and caring. She was everything I'm not, and she was perfect for you. When she died, I _did_ mourn. I mourned for the loss of a friend, the loss of a mother, and your grief over your wife's death, but I _hoped_." He stands and makes his way to the hearth, bracing himself on the high mantle and idly tracing his finger through the dust gathered there.

"Severus…" It seems I'm to spend the rest of this conversation trailing off and not completing sentences that are half formed thoughts anyway.

"I tried to give you the time you needed. I thought that you'd come to me. I was sure that, when you'd recovered, I'd find you on my doorstep or flooing into my sitting room. By the time I realized you'd come to terms with your loss, I'd already lost _you_. I've tried to hate him, I've tried to hate you, and I've tried to hate myself. Do you know what I've discovered?" It is a rhetorical question, so I do not waste my breath saying things that matter so very little.

"I don't have much desire to hate anything or any_one_ anymore. I might have been young and reckless enough to fight for you once, but I'm just not anymore. I might have once been willing to follow you to hell and back - which I _did_ by the way - but, I just can't do that now. I love you, Lucius. I think I always will, but I don't hope anymore. Not only can I not spare the heartbreak, but it's a lost cause. You love him, and I think that's alright."

He says it with the finality of the resolved. He still sounds so _very_ hurt, but he's calm and determined. He pulls his shoulders out of the slump they'd acquired moments ago and turns to face me.

"You are still my best friend and I care about your well-being. As such, I also care about your relationship with Draco and your situation with Harry. Can I rightfully assume that the boy has admitted his feelings?"

I'd like to spend a little more time talking about _us_, but it's obvious that he's finished with that topic for now, maybe even forever. So, I do the only thing I can to salvage the precious time I have with him today. I let him change subjects and approach the discussion of Harry with only minimal trepidation.

"He has…"

"And I suppose you enlightened him as well?"

"I did."

"Very well then. Please do tell me you aren't sleeping with him yet? I don't think I need to tell you how Draco would respond to that."

"I don't think Draco will respond well to knowing that we are in love either." Truly, there is no easy way to go about this. I'm starting to wonder why I'm even trying to be honorable.

"He will not. However, if you can maintain a nonphysical relationship, at least until you talk with him, then he may be more inclined to understand that it is _love_ and not just a desire on your part to have what's _his_."

"I would never…" _take something from him, hurt him purposely. _I would have kept everything I felt for Harry under metaphorical lock and key had he respected the boy. I wouldn't have destroyed my son's happiness even if my own was dependent on that destruction.

"_I_ know that and _you_ know that, Draco may need to be convinced."

"What have I done?" I'm not much for curbing my desires, but I _am_ able to mask my emotions. Or, I _was_ proficient at doing so, until bright green eyes pleaded with me to drop all pretense and just _feel_.

"You, Lucius Malfoy, have fallen in love. There is no shame in that. It would only be shameful if you didn't _try_ to spare Draco as much as possible. So, when he comes to visit, you and I will have a talk with him before we allow him anywhere near Harry. There's no sense in delaying the inevitable or getting his hopes up for a joyful and welcome reunion. We will handle him with care, but he will not be lied to or led astray."

"What did I ever do to deserve a friend like you, Severus?" He gives me a smirk that would cause any pupil to wither, but only ignites a gentle, warm feeling in my gut.

"As you haven't yet displayed any worthiness, that remains to be seen."

**A/N: So, who saw that coming? I don't think we'll dwell too much on Severus and Lucius' past, that's not the story you came to read, is it? However, I couldn't help myself. Since the beginning I've imagined the two of them overcoming this tragedy of a love affair and coming out friends despite Severus' remaining feelings (and the ones Lucius has had to surpress into almost nothing). I thought about it and decided that knowing what's he's been through for an impossible love once before might help you to understand why he's both hesitant to give in _and_ hesitant to let go.**


	14. Chapter 14

Harry is waiting for me in my study when I return. He's curled up in the chair closet to the hearth and he's reading. He's reading the letters from Draco. He looks up as I step out of the flames and gives me a small smile.

"Did you enjoy your time with Snape?" The letter he was reading is discarded - seemingly forgotten immediately - onto the table beside the chair.

"I did, very much. How was your visit with Mrs. Weasley?"

"Um…enlightening. You'd best start calling her by her first name. I think she's going to be coming around quite often." I raise an eyebrow, but nod in acceptance. I'll have to try very hard to win that one over, smart girl she is.

"I would expect no less. Do you feel better?" He stretches his legs and stands. Then, he clears the three steps between us, wraps his arms around my waist, and tilts his head up to look at me.

"_Much_ better." His grin is contagious; I return it and feel him hug me a little tighter. I'm going to ask him about his choice of reading material, but first I'm going to kiss him. I think I've been denying us for too long,

I tuck a finger under his chin and tilts his head a little further. I see realization dawn on him and his breath hitches. I haven't initiated too many kisses and he's excited that I'm taking the lead. I press my lips to his, just a feather light caress, and he moans. I keep the kiss chaste for as long as I can stand, then nip gently at his bottom lip.

The moment my teeth come into play, he gasps and opens for me. I slide my tongue along his lips for a moment before slipping it slowly into the cavern of his mouth. He responds immediately and enthusiastically. He tries to press his body more deeply into mine, but I keep the heat growing between us to a slow simmer. I force his tongue to adopt my rhythm; slow, languid strokes.

When I try to pull away, he quickly reaches up to tangle his hand in my hair. I've worn it loose since the night he told me how much he loves it. He keeps the pace I've started with our mouths, and tenderly runs his fingers through my hair. I let him have his way, soon he'll have to breathe.

No sooner than the thought crosses my mind, he releases my lips and rests his head against my chest. He's panting into the fabric of my shirt and I feel a gust work its way between the buttons and skim warmly across my skin.

I have no idea how I'll resist him. He won't let me distance myself and I cannot take this any further. The air around us is positively thick with need, and both of us are shaking.

"Harry…" My voice cracks, I clear my throat, and he giggles.

"I'm _so_ glad I'm not the only one affected. Yeah, I know, no hanky-panky. It's ok, really. I'm just glad you're finally kissing me; finally letting me touch you."

"Yes, well, a man can only resist temptation for so long. I'm afraid I've reached my limit." I remember Severus and think maybe I reached it a long time ago.

"Good, I'm glad you find me tempting then." He lets his hands drop and steps back.

"I was thinking we should cuddle on the couch with a good book tonight."

"Cuddle?" I can't help it, I just don't think I've ever been asked to cuddle before. Severus is a very tactile person, but he never _asked_. Narcissa, while extremely sweet and caring, didn't care much for being held.

"Yeah, you know, we stretch out together - arms and legs are involved - get all tangled up and just enjoy each other's company." Brat. As if I don't know the meaning of the word.

"I'm aware of what it is you're asking, it's just a foreign concept to me; not the action, the question. I think…I think I'd like that very much, Harry." I really would, in fact, I'm wondering why we don't just start now.

He grins - will I ever tire of that? "Fantastic, now, I'm going to take these up to my room and finish. This is something I'd kind of like to do alone." He scoops up the letters from Draco and gives me one more lingering look before leaving the room. I can't help but notice there's a bounce in his step.

With a sigh, I flop - very ungracefully - into the chair still warm from Harry's body heat. I've nothing to do but wait for him to return. I lean my head back and let my eyes close. I find myself swept away in long-buried memories that my talk with Severus seems to have pushed to the fore of my mind.

"_Did you read the paper today, Lucius?" He's sitting behind the desk in his office and I can _see_ his struggle to remain there. No, I didn't read it, but I know what was there all the same. I'd almost talked myself out of coming here, but the desire to see him - _feel_ him - again was just too strong._

"_No, I did not. Surely you aren't surprised by this, Severus. You knew it was coming." I'd told him directly after the first time he kissed me. I knew, even then, that one kiss would never be enough. I knew I'd fall in love with that boy. I did, he did, but it matters very little. It never really mattered because there was no light at the end of the tunnel for us._

_His eyes flash with a warning I don't quite understand - or maybe I don't _want_ to understand. His jaw clenches and I see every muscle in his body go rigid with barely restrained fury._

"_I thought…I _hoped_-"_

"_And I kept telling you to stop. I am to be wed in less than two weeks. My father is - as you know - very ill. We are hurrying things along so that he can see his only son get married before he dies. He _will_ watch me get married, Severus."_

_In a flash he's up and around his desk. Before I can think to defend myself he punches me in the nose and I feel a trickle of blood, despite my numb shock._

"_What-"_

"_That was for making me love you, you fucking bastard." Then I'm pushed into the wall and his lips are on mine. They're hot and wet and so-bloody-perfect that I wonder how I'll ever be able to kiss anyone else and _not_ think of him._

_He pulls back and rests his head firmly against mine. I hear him whimper and I open my eyes to see the tears that are making steady progress down his face. _

_He speaks again through labored breath, "And _that_ was for loving me back."_

"Lucius?" I snap my eyes open and turn to look at Harry. A quick glance to the clock behind him tells me I've been sleeping for a few hours. I shake my head to clear any remaining thoughts of Severus.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I must have dozed off." My voice is raspy in a way that says that I hadn't _dozed_, I'd slept heavily.

"Sure, that's the reason I only had to call your name five times. Come on, it's almost dinner time." I take his hand and let him lead me to the dining room.

Once we're seated and enjoying the first course, I take a chance and ask him about the letters.

"So, if I may ask, did Hermione suggest you read Draco's letters?" Her name feels weird on my tongue, but I can't bring myself to deny his request.

"Yeah. She said it might help me find some closure or something silly like that. She asked me to move in with them. She said George would be thrilled and she's missed me. I told her no, by the way. I think she suspects something is going on with us. She kept looking at me funny when I said anything about you."

I'm almost certain she had suspicions before I even left, but I don't tell him that.

"Does that bother you?"

"No, why would it bother me?" He looks utterly confused, as if there truly is nothing of which to be ashamed.

"Harry, not only am I old enough to be your father, but I'm also your ex-lover's father. On top of that, I'm an ex-death eater. There are many reasons your friends and the wizarding world in general will look down on us."

"And? Hermione will be ok once she realizes how good you are for me. The rest of them? I don't give a rat's hairy arse what they think." He stuffs another bite of food into his mouth and smiles around it. It should be disgusting, but I find it very-Harry and extremely endearing.

I want to argue with him - tell him how hard it will be - but maybe I can let myself believe, just for a bit, that we'll be ok. He seems so sure of it, that I find it difficult to be the voice of gloom and doom.

"Eat up, Lucius. We have a date." He winks at me and turns his full attention to the meal in front of him.

A date. How long has it been since I've had a date? Granted this isn't a _real_ date, but still. No matter how hard I try, I cannot remember a single time that I've actually been asked on or asked another person on a date. Severus and I always had to be so discreet, and Narcissa was my intended wife before I even met her the first time. We had to rush the wedding so there was no courting, not that it was necessary anyway. Sure, we went out to eat and such, but she was my wife. There was nothing remotely nerve-wracking about it.

I suddenly realize what it is I'm doing. I'm entering a relationship with no clue as to how it will turn out. There is no reason that I _can't_ be with him and there is nothing _forcing_ me to be with him. It's strange that I can have so many years on him - so much experience - and still feel like I'm floundering in a odd new land.

As soon as we talk to Draco, I'm taking Harry out. I'm going to wine and dine him. I'm going to hold his hand and maybe even kiss him - in public. Well, that is, if he is agreeable. I don't think that will be an issue.

We skip desert and Harry suggests pajamas again. He also implies what he wouldn't mind helping me change; this boy is going to be the death of me. I'm really not looking forward to discussing this with my son, but I'll be damned glad when it's done. Dinner and wine…then my bed. Surely I can hold out a few more days?

**A/N: I hope the Severus dream/memory doesn't seem out of place, I just felt like that would be weighing heavily on Lucius after their visit. Plus, I'm considering (in the distant future) actually writing the prequel that has been requested. So, I was trying it out on you. But, if that happens it won't be soon. I have a _lot_ on my plate right now. I'm writing 3 stories here and then I'm working on a _very_ smutty threesome (Harry/Draco/Lucius) on another site. So yeah, hands _super_ full. Anyway, bunches of love til next time!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Ok, the tension was _killing_ me, so I relieved some of it... Hope you don't mind.**

Harry is already curled up on the couch in my study when I return. This time his pajamas are flannel and much more suited to his own style rather than my son's. There is no question, he was delectable in silk, but I think I like him more in clothes of his own choosing.

"You don't have a book. I was under the impression we were going to read." Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen Harry reading for pleasure.

"Did I say _we_ were going to read? I said we should cuddle up with a good book. The way I see it, we can do one of two things. The first would be you reading to me and keeping me occupied with your incredibly sexy voice. The second choice - and I'm not sure if I like it more or not - would be you reading to yourself and leaving me to my own devices…" A positively wicked smirk pulls at his lips and causes my body to react in a not so wholesome way.

"Harry, I do believe you are going to drive me mad. Which option will ensure the best behavior on your part?"

"That would depend on what kind of behavior you would like." He sits up and pats the spot next to him. I eye the chair across from him and he laughs.

"I'm not going to _bite_, Lucius. I do nibble occasionally, but I promise you will enjoy it." I'm sure there has never been a temptress more alluring than Harry is at this moment. I give the chair one more wistful glance as I lower myself to the couch, leaving a little space between us.

"Harry, Severus made a very good point earlier."

"And what was that?" He turns to face me and scoots closer.

"He suggested that we forego a physical relationship until we have a chance to speak with Draco." I expect my son's name to stall his advances, but it does not. He shakes his head, takes hold of my hand, and pulls it to his mouth. He gently kisses each one of my fingertips before placing my palm against his cheek and nuzzling against it.

"No. I've given him enough control; I'm taking my life back, Lucius, starting with you. I did what you asked. I talked to Hermione, and I will continue to do so. I agree that we should take this slowly, but I don't want to remain at a standstill. I want to touch you, and I want you to touch me. So, you are going to lie back and read to me, and if my hands wander, you aren't going to complain unless you don't enjoy it."

He places another tender kiss to the back of my hand and then pushes me back until I'm resting against the arm of the couch. He straddles my legs and runs his hands down my chest with a sigh. He holds eye contact as he lowers his body to mine and I draw in a sharp breath when I feel the hint of an erection brush my abdomen.

He leans in and whispers hotly in my ear, "Read to me, Lucius."

He presses the book I've been enjoying into my chest as he rolls to the side and gets comfortable in the crook of my arm. There isn't much room between my body and the back of the couch, but he compensates for that by lying mostly on me.

Instead of arguing, I open the book and try to steady my voice as I start to read. I get through several pages and have just started to relax when the hand he's rested over my heart moves to the top button of my shirt. I continue to read as each button is slipped from it's hole.

I'm fighting to take in enough air to speak as he pulls my shirt open and lays his hand in the middle of my bare chest. That single skin to skin touch seems to ignite a fire in him. He still moves slowly, but he repositions himself so that his groin is pressing into my hip. He's harder than should be physically possible and he's shaking uncontrollably.

His breathing is ragged and strained, and it's warm and moist against my skin as he presses his lips to my shoulder. I drop the book to the floor when his mouth opens and he nips my skin. The moment both of my hands are free, he climbs on top of me and tangles both of his hands in my hair. He stares into my eyes as he lowers his mouth to mine. He moves so excruciatingly slowly that I wonder if our lips will ever touch. Every breath that puffs between us is shared and I don't think I've ever felt so close to or so completely _owned_ by another person.

When he takes my mouth it's such a contrast to his unhurried descent. He nibbles, sucks, and _laps_ at my lips until all I can do is let him in. The second my lips part, his tongue wraps around mine and my hands fly down to grip his hips. He growls when I thrust up involuntarily and bites down on my bottom lip. He takes it as an invitation and soon he's moving rhythmically over me, pressing our cocks together through several layers of clothing.

We've come too far to turn back, but I don't want it to end like this. He whines and whimpers as I push him up, but his wordless complaints turn to moans of approval as I reverse our positions. As soon as he's comfortably underneath my body, I set to work on his top and revel in his breathy encouragement as I follow hands with mouth down his muscular, supple chest.

"Yessss, god yes. I've wanted you for so long, Lucius, need you so much." I'm achingly hard, and his voiced desire only heightens my arousal, but I'm going to take my time. I want to taste him and he seems to approve if the way his hands tighten in my hair as I lower his pajamas is any way to judge.

Now that I am finally seeing what Harry has to offer, I'm even more perplexed as to why Draco would have wanted to prevent this. He's positively stunning like this, hard, needy, and absolutely perfect. His cock is throbbing and leaking freely. I blow lightly on the tip and he jerks upward and groans. My mouth almost waters for the pearly liquid falling onto his stomach. I look up and catch his eye as my tongue darts out to collect the drop that's about to join the tiny pool.

His hands move from my head to the couch and he claws helplessly at the fabric as I lap up every trace of pre-come. He's barely containing himself, but his control is impressive. I'm not sure how he's holding himself together until a very sobering thought flits across my lust addled mind. He's had practice. He spent years being unable to reach completion and Merlin knows how long before that learning to satisfy someone else before losing himself to orgasm.

That will change tonight. I take just a moment to will my body to understand before I lean forward and engulf him entirely. Maybe soon I'll introduce him to the wonderful art of a teasing seduction, but not right now. His whole body shudders and he wails appreciatively as I work up and down his shaft intent on pleasing him as quickly and thoroughly as possible.

"_Oh!_ Fuck, Lucius. I…I can't…I…_fuck…_I'm gonna come." He tries to push me away - either to stave off his orgasm or to prevent himself from releasing in my mouth - but I hold fast. In mere seconds he comes so forcefully that I almost gag as I work to swallow as much of him as I possibly can.

I bring him down slowly, kissing his thighs softly as he pants above me and shivers under me. He chuckles and his voice is shaky as he says, "Fuck. Sorry. I don't usually have a problem with stamina even…even _before_," He doesn't mention his recent problem, but I know to what he is referring, "but apparently I'm going to have to work on that with you. God, that was _fantastic_. I'd forgotten how great that feels, though I don't think it's _ever_ felt that good before."

I refuse to dwell on the fact that he pretty much just told me I'm better than my son. There's something not quite right about being excited by that, so I push it out of my mind altogether. I raise my head and enjoy the goofy grin that I put on his face. He allows himself another minute to bask in the afterglow before starting to shift and work himself out from under me.

"What are you doing, Harry? Lie back and let me redress you." I've always enjoyed being the caretaker of sorts in my relationships, and Harry definitely needs someone to pamper him.

"Oh, no you don't. It's your turn. Or should I say my turn?" I shake my head and push him back onto the couch as I'm pulling up his pajamas. His shirt is half buttoned before he stops my hand and tilts my head up to meet his eyes.

"Lucius, it's only fair and besides, I _want_ to. I want to more than you can imagine."

"Yes, well, there will come a point when I won't deny you, but for now, I'm going to thank you for the offer and respectfully say 'no thank you.' Now, did you want to continue reading, or are you ready to retire for the night?"

"Lucius, _please_. You're shutting down on me, aren't you? _God_, are you going to do this every fucking time we get close? I mean, if you are, that's fine, we'll deal, but I'd just like to know-"

"Harry, _look_ at me." He sighs heavily as he slowly lowers his head and drags his eyes from the ceiling.

"I'm _not _shutting down on you. I quite enjoyed that and I'd like to do it again, _very_ soon. Next time there will be participation from both of us, but that isn't going to happen tonight. I would, however, like to invite you to sleep with me. In my bed, of course, and we will _only_ be sleeping." I give him my best authorative glare and hope it's enough to divert him from trying anything. I know, from experience now, just how persuasive he can be and that I do not have the willpower to resist him.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Though, I will need to shower first." I don't tell him why, but the reason is poking him in the calf, so I'm sure he knows.

"You could just let me-"

"Absolutely not. Now, get up and march that incredible arse upstairs. You can get comfortable while I shower."

We leave the book on the floor where it landed and the fire roaring brightly in the hearth for the elves to attend. He climbs tiredly into my bed and after years of wanting, I finally enjoy actually _having_ him there. His eyes start to drift closed and I leave him with a warm smile on his face.

I quickly disrobe in my bathroom and rather than taking a cold shower to rid myself of my problem, I take a warm one and please myself quickly to memories of how he felt and tasted. Once I'm sated and sure I'll be able to make it through the night without molesting him (not that he would mind), I dry quickly.

As I'm dressing for bed and watching him sleep, a conversation from a night that feels like an eternity ago comes back to me. I let the fresh pair of pajamas fall back into the drawer and climb into bed wearing only my underwear.

My body heat seems to draw him in, and soon I'm wrapped around him like a blanket. He yawns sleepily as I pull him closer and I'm amazed by how quickly he went from being ready to pleasure me to sleeping almost soundly in my arms.

As I relax and feel the first tendrils of sleep curl around my brain, I think of my talk with Severus earlier. I'd almost promised him this would not happen. Then, I think of Draco and my heart aches. I've heard tale that muggles pray to their God for forgiveness of supposed sins or transgressions. I almost envy them their easily obtained absolution; mine will not be so forthcoming, nor am I sure I deserve it.


End file.
